Emotional Reality

Sometimes the sun and the rain

Are intertwined in my mind

The weight of the chain

Of the joy and the pain 

Leave me deeply confused and confined

Lost in this storm's refrain

I am blind and undermined

Struggling to ascertain

What God has ordained

By placing this capacity in humankind

I wonder why He designed 

The human brain to contain

Feelings blurred and unrefined

Merged and combined

Emotions which it cannot explain 

I search for a purpose to be defined

And though I often cannot ascertain

Any obvious or visible sign

Of the mysterious Will of the Divine

I trust that my search is not in vain

Perspective

The path that is my life
Stretches out before me
Going farther in the distance
Than my mind can fathom

Endless in its possibilities
Mysterious in its essence
Meeting the sky and Sun above
With great joy and deep love

Yet sometimes my vision is pulled
To the ground just below my feet
The pebbles, stones, holes, obstacles
That cause me to stumble, to fall

I forget the path before me
Its beauty and light
Its grace and purpose
Its soul-stirring wonder

And instead I stand frozen
Unmoving, angry, hurt, lost
Caught up in my own trap
Not seeing the path before me

But when I do remember
To look up, to see the bigger purpose
The paralysis is lifted
All the heaviness trickles away

And I stand ready

To walk
To learn
To stumble
And to grow

On the Edge of Reality

Sometimes I have to talk myself down

From the edge of a cliff
Where I stand, frozen, believing the rim will break
And I will fall
My heart pounds and my fingers grow very cold
In anticipation
I hear the wolves behind me, screaming and taunting me
Telling me there is nowhere left to turn
I see only the insignificant and failed attempts to get away
Which brought me to this cliff
I can't breath, my body is numb, my mind flipping in circles
Useless and unhelpful
Often it is a combination of others and my heart
That get me to step back
Recognizing that the cliff I see and feel in my mind
Isn't actually really there
That the howling I hear is actually coming from within me
Not from another creature
The first step is to back off the ledge, slowly, carefully,
One step at a time
To take a deep breath, calm my mind, feel my feet
On solid ground
To warm my body, others share their strength and love with me
Gently bringing me back to life
Then they help me to find strength and love within myself
For it is there, even when I can't see it

Waiting

I sit at the peak of a tree
Waiting for the sun to rise, for the wind to pick up
For the confirmations to shine and to flow
Telling me to wing my flight
And guiding me to glorious heights

Other birds taunt me as they fly past
Not understanding why I sit here waiting
Unaware of the turmoil inside my heart
The anguish and worry in my soul
Uncertain and yet certain at the same time

When I lose my focus and determination
I am beckoned by the world below
I question my resolve, my reasoning
Whether I'm actually making the right choices
Whether I truly have any value

I wonder whether the future is as dark as my ego leads me to believe
Praying for His light to shine and warm the chill
That has filled my soul in it's absense
Yearning for the wind to pick up and start billowing
It's presence guiding me towards His light

But nothing happens, not yet anyway
I sit and I watch and I pray for the strength
To believe in His light within and surrounding me and it's ability to guide me
To continue to follow the path that God wishes of me
Even if for the time being, it requires patience

Patience

I sit at the peak of a tree
Waiting for the sun to rise, for the wind to pick up
For the confirmations to shine and to flow
Telling me to wing my flight
And guiding me to glorious heights

Other birds taunt me as they fly past
Not understanding why I sit here waiting
Unaware of the turmoil inside my heart
The anguish and worry in my soul
Uncertain and yet certain at the same time

When I lose my focus and determination
I am beckoned by the world below
I question my resolve, my reasoning
Whether I'm actually making the right choices
Whether I truly have any value

I wonder whether the future is as dark as my ego leads me to believe
Praying for His light to shine and warm the chill
That has filled my soul in it's absense
Yearning for the wind to pick up and start billowing
It's presence guiding me towards His light

But nothing happens, not yet anyway
I sit and I watch and I pray for the strength
To believe in His light within and surrounding me and it's ability to guide me
To continue to follow the path that God wishes of me
Even if for the time being, it requires patience

Gratitude

The birds sing their praises

As the breeze gently moves the leaves of the trees

Outside the window if this blessed room

I sit here pondering the gratitude

That pours forth from my heart

The joy and preciousness of these past nine days

Of the beautiful people

That I have prayed and sung and grown with

And who I have grown to deeply and profoundly love

There is no sadness in my heart

Only gratitude, awe and wonderment

That God brought us together in this way

That He chose to put each of us here

At this time and allowed us to share an experience 

That has connected our souls for eternity

" O SON THAT STOOD BY HIS OWN ENTITY IN THE KINGDOM OF HIS SELF! 

Know thou, that I have wafted unto thee all the fragrances of holiness, have fully revealed to thee My word, have perfected through thee My bounty and have desired for thee that which I have desired for My Self. Be then content with My pleasure and thankful unto Me." Baha'u'llah (The Hidden Words)

Contentment

I feel a peace within my soul

When I set aside my own wishes and desires

As if in this action I am made whole

No longer rocked and shaken by what transpires

A readiness to accept any event or outcome

And react with grace no matter the situation

To not look at anything as a problem

But rather as an opportunity for greater illumination

In moments when I am able to achieve this tranquility

My heart is filled with contentment and trust

No longer do I feel hindered by my own fragility 

For I know that in all tests He is guiding and nourishing us

"O Son of Spirit! Ask not of Me that which We desire not for thee, then be content with what We have ordained for thy sake, for this is that which profiteth thee, if therewith thou dost content thyself." Baha'u'llah (The Hidden Words)

Generosity

I long for my thoughts and actions to change

To give more freely

Love more deeply

See more clearly

To give of myself with no thought of return

I see the person I would like to be

Gracefully gentle

Selflessly generous

Utterly service oriented

But I'm not always sure how to get there

I see in Your perfect example

A generosity of spirit

A humility profoundly moving

A love unconditional

And I yearn with all my heart to be more like You

Day by day I strive with all my heart

To align myself more with Your example

To live more completely by Your guidance

To accept more radiantly Your will

And to never stop longing to draw closer to You

"O Children of Dust! Tell the rich of the midnight sighing of the poor, lest heedlessness lead them into the path of destruction, and deprive them of the Tree of Wealth. To give and to be generous are attributes of Mine; well is it with him that adorneth himself with My virtues." Baha'u'llah (The Hidden Words)

To Be a Bringer of Light

Within my heart and mind, a fight is taking place

My ego screaming to be heard

Feeling injustice, unloved, villainized

All its efforts to please and appease unrecognized

While my soul is praying with every ounce of its effort

For the ability to hear and see through His lens

To detach, to show love, to let go

For the purity of heart to put unity before my own ego

The resentment, hurt and anger well inside me

Screaming to be released

They want justice, understanding and recognition

But their yearned for actions would only lead to further demolition

The only solution I can see for repair 

Is to love unconditionally with no expectations

To hear with His hearing, to see with His sight

To beg God to assist me to let go of my darkness and be only a bringer of light 

"O Son of the Throne! Thy hearing is My hearing, hear thou therewith. Thy sight is My sight, do thou see therewith, that in thine inmost soul thou mayest testify unto My exalted sanctity, and I within Myself may bear witness unto an exalted station for thee." Baha'u'llah (The Hidden Words)

See With the Eye of Truth

We live in darkness, in blindness, in confusion

Fear and distrust often dictate our existence 

Doubtful of the truths that others share

We hide from each other in sorrow and despair

Secretly we are searching for light in the world

For answers to healing its ever increasing decay

Yet at the same time we are critical of any answers that appear

For how can we truly know the motives they convey?

It is so easy to fall prey to this darkness

The hopelessness and despair that lead to numbness 

Numbness which leads to vile acts

That only throw more tinder in the flame of the world's decay

Though it is painful and difficult beyond measure

Each of us must continue to search for truth

We must not give up in our efforts to find answers and solutions

For the future of our world rests in our hands

The answer to the world's problems are within each of us

In our ability to love unconditionally and universally

In our learning to see capacity and nobility

Within the heart of every person on this earth

O my brothers and sisters 

Pass beyond the doubt and prejudice that tears us apart

And rise to the heights of certainty and love

Open the eye of truth and see God's fingerprint within every human soul

"O Fleeting Shadow! Pass beyond the baser stages of doubt and rise to the exalted heights of certainty. Open the eye of truth, that thou mayest behold the veilless beauty and exclaim: Hallowed be the Lord, the most excellent of all creators!" Baha'u'llah (The Hidden Words) 

Confirmations, Blessings and Martyrdom

Gratitude and joy resonate within my soul

For only you could have set this in motion

To be in this group with your nephew and family 

Fills my heart with overwhelming emotion

Farid, my spiritual father and friend

You have given me the gift of your story

Your humility and flexibility and deep selflessness

And the choices that led to your eternal glory

I pray I can someday express my gratitude to you

O precious, beloved, respected martyr

But for now I will strive to spread His light in your name

And live every moment of my life in your honor

"O Son of Being! Seek a martyr's death in My path, content with My pleasure and thankful for that which I ordain, that thou mayest repose with Me beneath the canopy of majesty behind the tabernacle of glory." Baha'u'llah (The Hidden Words)

O Man of Two Visions

My eyes were stuck in this material world

Caught up with deficiencies in myself and others

Victimized and villainized, bullied and betrayed

I saw myself as broken and faulty

I lived in a bubble of fear and doubt

Never knowing if my actions were right or wrong

Lost and lonely, cloudy and confused

Imprisoned by my own vision

But then light and purpose came into my life

And brought glimpses into a different reality

Of compassion and clarity, servitude and sincerity

Where learning took the place of failure

He is teaching me to see with new vision

Through the eyes of His home, my heart,

Spiritual and soul stirring, open minded and optimistic 

Where this physical existence is not our true reality

Though I am learning to see in this new way

I still often see the world through both lenses

Prejudice and perception, barriers and blessings

But someday I pray to see only the Beauty

"O Man of Two Visions! 

Close one eye and open the other. Close one to the world and all that is therein, and open the other to the hallowed beauty of the Beloved." Baha'u'llah (The Hidden Words)

With the Hand of Your Power

Ignite this flame within my heart

That it may grow brighter with each passing day

Build it high and build it strong

So that even my ego cannot quench its grandeur

Assist me at all times to remember You

So that Your healing love may flow through me

Gently nurturing, lovingly guiding 

Aiding my soul to draw ever closer to You

Help me to treasure and cherish Your love

That I may always see beauty as I walk through this world

It is the key to my sight, the beat of my heart

The very purpose of my earthly existence

"O Befriended Stranger! The candle of thine heart is lighted by the hand of my power, quench it not with the contrary winds of self and passion. The healer of all thine ills is remembrance of Me, forget it not. Make My love thy treasure and cherish it even as thy very sight and life." -Baha'u'llah (The Hidden Words) 

A Finely Tempered Sword

You look within your heart

And see nothing there of value

Critical of all that you are

Seeing only what you've been taught to see

By the world around you

But what if those beliefs

Are a sheath blinding your view

Surrounding you in darkness

Until all you see is that same darkness

Not a single ray of light shining through

Stop looking at the darkness

Which breeds fear and doubt within your mind

Look for the light reflecting in your heart 

The beautiful colors it manifests

Learn to value the way you were designed

For as you learn to seek out this beautiful light

Your eyes will change, and no longer blind,

You will see that concealed inside your heart

Was a finely tempered priceless sword

That all of humanity has been searching to find

And aware of the value within your own heart 

You will search for that same beauty around you

Drawing attention to the light 

That glimmers and dances in the hearts of all people

When all we are looking for is beauty shining through

"O My Servant! Thou art even as a finely tempered sword concealed in the darkness of its sheath and its value hidden from the artificer's knowledge. Wherefore come forth from the sheath of self and desire that thy worth may be made resplendent and manifest into all the world." -Baha'u'llah (Hidden Words)

A Good Thing

I have a calendar on my desk which has quotes on it and the quote for today says "Too much of a good thing is still a good thing." This seemed exceptionally appropriate given that today marks 7 years since I arrived in Israel. So many emotions fill my soul today. But somehow they all come back to gratitude. Gratitude to God for having put me here, for having given me the opportunity to live in an environment that reflects and is a manifestation of the nobility and true essence of the human race, for having tested me and assisted me to grow and move farther beyond my own limitations and fears than I ever would have thought possible. A bit of sadness for all the beautiful souls I have said good-bye to in the 7 years I've been here, but also so much gratitude to have had them in my life. Particularly a family that just left 2 days ago. Two precious little girls and their loving and beautiful parents whose fingerprints are all over the most joyful and touching memories of my service here and who have left an imprint in my heart that will stay with me forever. I think I will feel grateful for the rest of my life for the gift that has been my time here.

Rusty

Silence greeted my gentle nudges
A lack of words or movement
So silence became the mode of functioning
And settled into a comfortable corner

To speak would admit a rustiness
A need for practice, for repetition
A need for patience and perseverance
Silence was much easier

But I miss the beautiful melodies
My pen used to weave across my paper
The radiance and joy that came to me
When forming words into masterpieces

So I picked up my pencil today
And wrote of the hollowness I've felt
For in my impatience and unwillingness to make effort
I set aside my greatest tool for growth

The Essence of Who I Am

Happy Birthday Mommy! You are the song of my soul and the radiance that unites our family and draws us ever closer together! I hope you know how deeply and profoundly you are loved!

Searching for Signs of His Will

Lost in a sea of options
No confirmations yet in sight
An uneasy anxiety overcomes me
As a lonely child in the quiet of the night

My heart seeks answers
As a plant seeks the light
Looking for signs of His will
Praying to do what is right

Vulnerability

I stare at your dead flowers
shaking in the breeze
While right beside you
your small brother flourishes
His coral flowers reach for the sun
What left you destitute my friend?
bereft of life giving beauty
What internal struggle broke your spirit
leaving you an inflexible and thorny barrier?
How can I help you to bloom again?
To believe in your worth
to show your vulnerability?
For the most vulnerable and fragile part of ourselves
is often the blossoming flower
that attracts the hearts of others

The Gift of Childhood

An Endless Sea

In front of me

An endless sea

Flows as far as the eye can see

Filled with movement, beauty and grace

Yet tears flow freely down my face

For on these rocks my feet must be

Clearing blocks so the source is free 

To flow into this glorious sea

To change its depths and every place

In front of me

I wish I could jump in this sea

And give all of my energy

To finding pearls in the darkest space

And into hearts of children place

The tools to recognize the sea

In front of me