A Picture of this Moment

The plop of a rock
thrown by little boys

with muddy toes 

and joyful hearts

The voices of birds, 

some sweet and gentle, 

some raucous and harsh

and many in between

Ripples on the river 

as it reflects this glorious day 

green of the trees 

white-blue of the sky

All coming together 

to bring calm to mamas 

and to spark the imaginations

of little ones. 

Motherhood

These tiny saplings in my care

The answers to my every prayer

Teaching me new things each day

Filling my life with wonder and play

Being a mother is more than it seems

It's drying tears, and supporting dreams

Giving guidance, and imposing protection

Building capacity, and comforting rejection

Learning to love oneself and grow as a person

So when they imitate you, it is your best version

Hearing the things they don't know how to say

Looking for the good in them each and every day

Motherhood can be a challenge 

Striving to keep oneself in balance

Going in circles of fear and trepidation

Not having time to find one’s foundation 

But every struggle and every worry 

Every instruction said in a hurry

Each interaction, however flawed

Is a small prayer we send to God

A prayer of love, and hope and grace

A moment of openness to God’s embrace

Beseeching His guidance, strength or endurance 

Asking for calm, insight or assurance

We reach out for help, and receive His aid

His love and energy trickle and cascade

The ocean of His mercy opens wide

As we open our hearts, He responds and provides

  

Searching

Losing my bearings

I wander, 

Lost, yet busy

Alone, yet surrounded

My flame flickers

Running low on oil

Running low on life

Every movement is heavy

Exhaustion weighs me down

Where is Your life giving power?

Won’t You fill me up?

Won’t You bring me back to life?

I search for You

But distracted at every turn

I lose hope of ever finding You again

Then from inside I hear,

“I’m right here, 

I always have been.

I always will be.

I am closer to you

Than your life vein. 

My light is inside you. 

Have hope.

Turn within and you will find Me.”

My Big Boy

Your mind fills me with wonder
The way you express your thoughts
The joy you find in learning
The beauty you see all around

I want to be more than I am for you
To live with you in your imagination
To help you find your place in this world
To always lift you up

You have so much to give to this world
So much determination and conviction
So much generosity and care
So much ingenuity and intelligence

Shine bright, my brilliant little star
Stay true to your heart
Stay true to your soul
Stay true to who God made you to be

If Death Came Upon Me Today

If death came upon me today
What would I be leaving behind
I know there would be sadness
But hopefully joy too
Wonder, beauty, radiance, light

These are things I wish to give
Things I want to remember
When life gets monotonous
When I’m living for the passage of time
Instead of the beauty of life

I want to remember to give
Not just receive
To lift up, rather than pull down
To lighten loads, not make them heavier
To bring joy, not sadness

To let go of blame and failure
Of finger pointing and labelling
To focus on what is, not what isn’t
To breathe life into those around me
Not to suffocate them

So that if death came upon me today
I would be proud of the life I had lived
The love I had given
The legacy I was leaving behind
For those who knew me

Deep Deep Joy

Little fingers
Little toes
Squishy lips
A tiny nose

Snuggle close
My baby boy
Let me fill you up
With my deep deep joy

Sweet One

Sweet One

My heart is overflowing with gratitude

As I sit here contemplating your sweet little soul

I have always known with unquestioning certitude

That someday your presence would make me whole

That you and your siblings would bring joy and completeness

The sense that my life’s purpose had been attained

With your smiles, your laughter, your light and your sweetness

I promise my love will be unrestrained

Take your time coming, but know we are here

Praying for you every morning and night

Waiting for your beautiful soul to appear

For our lives to be illumined by your radiant light

Your father and I promise to love you forever

As high as the sky and as deep as the sea

A love which nothing on this earth can sever

As far as the earth's core and as tall as the tree

This love will never for a moment waiver

It is as wide as the mountain and beyond what you see

Have faith in this love and let it help you be braver

As you learn to trust your heart and to give endlessly

Fire, Stone, Air and Water

Part 1 - Fire

A fire is born from the tiniest spark
A flame vulnerable and inconsequential
It must be protected and gently encouraged
In order to manifest it’s inherent potential

As humans we are much the same
Though we yearn to be independent
We must be encouraged and gently guided
In order to shine light glorious and resplendent

Thus the power we have in one another’s lives
Should not be ignored or considered lightly
We have the power to accompany, to believe in and love
And to gently encourage our friends to shine brightly

We also have the power to hurt those we love
When we think we have answers that they need to learn
Through a few thoughtless words or self-righteous acts
We can smother a spark before it can burn

So remember to love and gently encourage
To trust in the capacity of those who surround you
Believe in the flame that burns in their hearts
And watch as it’s beauty shines brighter and true

Part 2 - Stone

A polished stone begins as a rock
Protected and encased by the earth
Knowing nothing of its inner beauty
Unaware of its inherent worth

To manifest its hidden and glorious potential
Its rough edges must first be removed
Thrown together with other rocks
Through collision all edges are smoothed

Much like rocks it is quite a process
For our characters to be honed and polished
It is impossible to do in solitude
Alone our ego cannot be demolished

But in our relationships can be seen a tool
For complete and total transformation
When we collide and grind off each other’s edges
We catch glimpses of our true inner station

This is the beauty of human interaction
Through it we see with new eyes
For inside every human being
Is a gem just waiting to light up the skies

Part 3 - Air

We often smother ourselves
Hiding in the depths of our past
Unable to move forward
For fear each step will be our last

The air we breathe is filled with hurt
Denial, anger, fear and shame
We barely fill our lungs with air
Each breath poisoned with blame

We stop ourselves from feeling
The breezes of God’s love
Believing ourselves broken
And unable to attain the heavens above

But what if every test we’ve faced
Was strengthening our wings
Building within us courage and nerve
To rise to the heights of kings

Within us is the power to overcome
As much as we are willing to give
And as we transform we begin to see
That to fly is to truly live

Part 4 - Water

A drop of water becomes a puddle
A puddle becomes a stream
A stream becomes a river
Reflecting every sun beam

A river flows into a sea
A sea pours into the ocean
The depths of the ocean’s wisdom
Has set this world in motion

A tie of love is as two seas
Pulling two worlds together
Creating a body so vast and deep
It can calmly overcome any weather

Though the trials of this world of dust
May briefly darken its surface
It’s beauty lies beyond all reach
In the glory of it’s Divine purpose

For from marriage flows the essence of life
The potential for the transformation of our world
As each generation learns and develops
We watch a new civilization become unfurled

I Hope You Know

When each of you came into my life

You left a stamp on my soul

Your joy became my joy

Your sorrow, my sorrow

Nothing compared to the love that you shared

Or the way that you made me feel whole

And when you left

Whether quickly or with a prolonged good-bye

My heart broke a little

There is a hole in my heart now

Where once you were

A loss no words can express

Your toothless grin

Your deeply wise heart

Your tickle attacks 

Your "come and get me!"

Your endless questions

Your eyes filled with love

I miss each of you

Every day

More than words can say

My heart aches to hug you

To have you run into my arms

To watch you grow

To make sure you know

How deeply I love you

But I also hope

That you forget me

That you grow and learn

And that the time we spent together

Becomes a fading memory

A happy one

Oh how I hope it is a happy one

But not one that holds you back

Not one that brings you sadness

I hope you dream and you smile

That you find beauty in the tests you face

And are always surrounded

By His loving embrace

And I hope you know 

I hope you always know

How deeply

How utterly

How completely

You are loved

Emotional Reality

Sometimes the sun and the rain

Are intertwined in my mind

The weight of the chain

Of the joy and the pain 

Leave me deeply confused and confined

Lost in this storm's refrain

I am blind and undermined

Struggling to ascertain

What God has ordained

By placing this capacity in humankind

I wonder why He designed 

The human brain to contain

Feelings blurred and unrefined

Merged and combined

Emotions which it cannot explain 

I search for a purpose to be defined

And though I often cannot ascertain

Any obvious or visible sign

Of the mysterious Will of the Divine

I trust that my search is not in vain

Perspective

The path that is my life
Stretches out before me
Going farther in the distance
Than my mind can fathom

Endless in its possibilities
Mysterious in its essence
Meeting the sky and Sun above
With great joy and deep love

Yet sometimes my vision is pulled
To the ground just below my feet
The pebbles, stones, holes, obstacles
That cause me to stumble, to fall

I forget the path before me
Its beauty and light
Its grace and purpose
Its soul-stirring wonder

And instead I stand frozen
Unmoving, angry, hurt, lost
Caught up in my own trap
Not seeing the path before me

But when I do remember
To look up, to see the bigger purpose
The paralysis is lifted
All the heaviness trickles away

And I stand ready

To walk
To learn
To stumble
And to grow

On the Edge of Reality

Sometimes I have to talk myself down

From the edge of a cliff
Where I stand, frozen, believing the rim will break
And I will fall
My heart pounds and my fingers grow very cold
In anticipation
I hear the wolves behind me, screaming and taunting me
Telling me there is nowhere left to turn
I see only the insignificant and failed attempts to get away
Which brought me to this cliff
I can't breath, my body is numb, my mind flipping in circles
Useless and unhelpful
Often it is a combination of others and my heart
That get me to step back
Recognizing that the cliff I see and feel in my mind
Isn't actually really there
That the howling I hear is actually coming from within me
Not from another creature
The first step is to back off the ledge, slowly, carefully,
One step at a time
To take a deep breath, calm my mind, feel my feet
On solid ground
To warm my body, others share their strength and love with me
Gently bringing me back to life
Then they help me to find strength and love within myself
For it is there, even when I can't see it

Waiting

I sit at the peak of a tree
Waiting for the sun to rise, for the wind to pick up
For the confirmations to shine and to flow
Telling me to wing my flight
And guiding me to glorious heights

Other birds taunt me as they fly past
Not understanding why I sit here waiting
Unaware of the turmoil inside my heart
The anguish and worry in my soul
Uncertain and yet certain at the same time

When I lose my focus and determination
I am beckoned by the world below
I question my resolve, my reasoning
Whether I'm actually making the right choices
Whether I truly have any value

I wonder whether the future is as dark as my ego leads me to believe
Praying for His light to shine and warm the chill
That has filled my soul in it's absense
Yearning for the wind to pick up and start billowing
It's presence guiding me towards His light

But nothing happens, not yet anyway
I sit and I watch and I pray for the strength
To believe in His light within and surrounding me and it's ability to guide me
To continue to follow the path that God wishes of me
Even if for the time being, it requires patience

Patience

I sit at the peak of a tree
Waiting for the sun to rise, for the wind to pick up
For the confirmations to shine and to flow
Telling me to wing my flight
And guiding me to glorious heights

Other birds taunt me as they fly past
Not understanding why I sit here waiting
Unaware of the turmoil inside my heart
The anguish and worry in my soul
Uncertain and yet certain at the same time

When I lose my focus and determination
I am beckoned by the world below
I question my resolve, my reasoning
Whether I'm actually making the right choices
Whether I truly have any value

I wonder whether the future is as dark as my ego leads me to believe
Praying for His light to shine and warm the chill
That has filled my soul in it's absense
Yearning for the wind to pick up and start billowing
It's presence guiding me towards His light

But nothing happens, not yet anyway
I sit and I watch and I pray for the strength
To believe in His light within and surrounding me and it's ability to guide me
To continue to follow the path that God wishes of me
Even if for the time being, it requires patience

Gratitude

The birds sing their praises

As the breeze gently moves the leaves of the trees

Outside the window if this blessed room

I sit here pondering the gratitude

That pours forth from my heart

The joy and preciousness of these past nine days

Of the beautiful people

That I have prayed and sung and grown with

And who I have grown to deeply and profoundly love

There is no sadness in my heart

Only gratitude, awe and wonderment

That God brought us together in this way

That He chose to put each of us here

At this time and allowed us to share an experience 

That has connected our souls for eternity

" O SON THAT STOOD BY HIS OWN ENTITY IN THE KINGDOM OF HIS SELF! 

Know thou, that I have wafted unto thee all the fragrances of holiness, have fully revealed to thee My word, have perfected through thee My bounty and have desired for thee that which I have desired for My Self. Be then content with My pleasure and thankful unto Me." Baha'u'llah (The Hidden Words)

Contentment

I feel a peace within my soul

When I set aside my own wishes and desires

As if in this action I am made whole

No longer rocked and shaken by what transpires

A readiness to accept any event or outcome

And react with grace no matter the situation

To not look at anything as a problem

But rather as an opportunity for greater illumination

In moments when I am able to achieve this tranquility

My heart is filled with contentment and trust

No longer do I feel hindered by my own fragility 

For I know that in all tests He is guiding and nourishing us

"O Son of Spirit! Ask not of Me that which We desire not for thee, then be content with what We have ordained for thy sake, for this is that which profiteth thee, if therewith thou dost content thyself." Baha'u'llah (The Hidden Words)

Generosity

I long for my thoughts and actions to change

To give more freely

Love more deeply

See more clearly

To give of myself with no thought of return

I see the person I would like to be

Gracefully gentle

Selflessly generous

Utterly service oriented

But I'm not always sure how to get there

I see in Your perfect example

A generosity of spirit

A humility profoundly moving

A love unconditional

And I yearn with all my heart to be more like You

Day by day I strive with all my heart

To align myself more with Your example

To live more completely by Your guidance

To accept more radiantly Your will

And to never stop longing to draw closer to You

"O Children of Dust! Tell the rich of the midnight sighing of the poor, lest heedlessness lead them into the path of destruction, and deprive them of the Tree of Wealth. To give and to be generous are attributes of Mine; well is it with him that adorneth himself with My virtues." Baha'u'llah (The Hidden Words)

To Be a Bringer of Light

Within my heart and mind, a fight is taking place

My ego screaming to be heard

Feeling injustice, unloved, villainized

All its efforts to please and appease unrecognized

While my soul is praying with every ounce of its effort

For the ability to hear and see through His lens

To detach, to show love, to let go

For the purity of heart to put unity before my own ego

The resentment, hurt and anger well inside me

Screaming to be released

They want justice, understanding and recognition

But their yearned for actions would only lead to further demolition

The only solution I can see for repair 

Is to love unconditionally with no expectations

To hear with His hearing, to see with His sight

To beg God to assist me to let go of my darkness and be only a bringer of light 

"O Son of the Throne! Thy hearing is My hearing, hear thou therewith. Thy sight is My sight, do thou see therewith, that in thine inmost soul thou mayest testify unto My exalted sanctity, and I within Myself may bear witness unto an exalted station for thee." Baha'u'llah (The Hidden Words)

See With the Eye of Truth

We live in darkness, in blindness, in confusion

Fear and distrust often dictate our existence 

Doubtful of the truths that others share

We hide from each other in sorrow and despair

Secretly we are searching for light in the world

For answers to healing its ever increasing decay

Yet at the same time we are critical of any answers that appear

For how can we truly know the motives they convey?

It is so easy to fall prey to this darkness

The hopelessness and despair that lead to numbness 

Numbness which leads to vile acts

That only throw more tinder in the flame of the world's decay

Though it is painful and difficult beyond measure

Each of us must continue to search for truth

We must not give up in our efforts to find answers and solutions

For the future of our world rests in our hands

The answer to the world's problems are within each of us

In our ability to love unconditionally and universally

In our learning to see capacity and nobility

Within the heart of every person on this earth

O my brothers and sisters 

Pass beyond the doubt and prejudice that tears us apart

And rise to the heights of certainty and love

Open the eye of truth and see God's fingerprint within every human soul

"O Fleeting Shadow! Pass beyond the baser stages of doubt and rise to the exalted heights of certainty. Open the eye of truth, that thou mayest behold the veilless beauty and exclaim: Hallowed be the Lord, the most excellent of all creators!" Baha'u'llah (The Hidden Words) 

Confirmations, Blessings and Martyrdom

Gratitude and joy resonate within my soul

For only you could have set this in motion

To be in this group with your nephew and family 

Fills my heart with overwhelming emotion

Farid, my spiritual father and friend

You have given me the gift of your story

Your humility and flexibility and deep selflessness

And the choices that led to your eternal glory

I pray I can someday express my gratitude to you

O precious, beloved, respected martyr

But for now I will strive to spread His light in your name

And live every moment of my life in your honor

"O Son of Being! Seek a martyr's death in My path, content with My pleasure and thankful for that which I ordain, that thou mayest repose with Me beneath the canopy of majesty behind the tabernacle of glory." Baha'u'llah (The Hidden Words)