A Dream – Inspired By an Episode in the Life of May Ellis Maxwell

In my early youth, asleep one night
Came the Sun of Truth, my soul to ignite
I dreamed of light, so pure and glorious
It blinded my sight, but left me victorious

On a different eve, while shrouded in slumber
My soul took leave, cloaked in wonder
I was taken through space, to a place of birth
Through light and grace, I saw the earth

Marked with seals, one word was seen
Transforming ideals, its beauty serene
Of this soul stirring word, I saw only two letters
I felt like a bird, released from its fetters

The H and the B, would transform my life
The Branch of that Tree, would end all my strife
And then I was blessed, with an image - the Master
My soul was possessed, my heart beat faster

This vision came to me, and then in that second,
Across the glittering sea, I was beckoned,
After nearly two decades, I answered His call
With the Concourses’ aides, I gave Him my all

Of that first meeting, I can remember naught
The feelings fleeting, my entire being caught
“Neither joy nor pain, nor anything … I can name”
Did I retain, except the force of His overwhelming flame

When He left our presence, I came back with a start
The feeling of evanescence, as we were forced to depart
But then His spirit from on High, came into my heart
And what choice had I, but His message to impart.

Paths of Stone

White and red, the path I tread,
Illumined with light from above.
Broken and round, how solid the ground,
Leading me to His love.
As people walk by, their inner eye,
Directed towards His Shrine.
Their souls aflame, their only aim,
Connecting to the Divine.
The stones just before, you walk through that door,
Tell a unique and beautiful story.
Gathered by hands, from Israeli sands,
Their steadfastness rewarded in glory.
Smooth and round, lain on the ground,
By believers filled with grace.
From a distance their unity adds to the beauty,
Of that Holy and Beloved place.
But when there's a storm, they completely transform,
The dross of this world's washed away.
And under the dust, lies hidden a trust,
Of beauty we'll never betray.
Uniquely composed, gems are exposed,
By the flood of His abounding Grace.
This same depth of glory, can be seen in the story,
Of the entire human race.

With Love

Hearts more pure you couldn’t find
Divinely connected, soul’s entwined
Eyes so genuine your love it shines
The beauty of God in every line

Side by side you’ll walk together
Through life’s tests and stormy weather
Serving and radiant in all you do
God’s abounding grace always in view

Two orbs of light capturing hearts
Luminous rays from the very start
Bringing peace to every soul
Illumining every darkened hole

Your personalities are the perfect blend
Of love and joy there is no end
In your presence my soul transcends
So blessed am I to be called a friend

A message from the Higher Self to the lower self

Stop.
Stop telling yourself that it matters.
What they think.
If they find you awkward or annoying or embarrassing.
If you are disappointing their good opinion of you.
Stop worrying whether you are good enough.
Smart enough.
Talented enough to be their friend.
Stop feeling like friendship is something you have to earn.
Like showing emotions will force people away.
Stop changing yourself to be who you think they want you to be.
Stop hiding.
Stop fearing
Stop.
Be you.
Trust them enough to love you no matter who “you” are.
Trust yourself enough not to care if they don’t.
Trust that regardless of who you are, people are much more attracted to the genuine.
Stop being weighed down by the self.
Let Me shine through.
The clouds, the storm, the pain, the loneliness, will go away.
You’ll be left with joy and humor and happiness and peace.
The uncertainty, the fear, the anguish will disappear.
You will never feel alone if you truly let Me in.
Believe in Me.
Trust in Me.
Love Me.
For that is the only way to truly love you.

Rain

Watch the rain as it falls,
Filling holes, breaking walls.
Barriers crash, dams break,
Ice melts, our world shakes.
Emotions enter, wanted or not
Everything we thought we forgot.
Each drop, a crystal clear tear,
Dissolving the anger, diluting the fear.
The negative emotions seep onto the ground,
And into the sewers where they will never be found.
What is left in the end is a deep sense of awe,
A feeling of calm, just after the thaw.
We’re left feeling thoughtful, awake and serene,
Our hearts are clean and God can be seen.
As the sun comes back out, it brightens the sky,
Life starts anew and without fetters we fly.

A Brilliant Star

You see me beautiful
Each and every day
Your eyes see more in me
Then I knew I could portray
Yet your own brilliant light
You do not know is there
Of the joy you bring to others
You are completely unaware
 
You see yourself as broken
Mourning the bruises from your past
Your heart feels hurt and empty
Your happiness doesn’t last
If only you could have my eyes
And look at yourself through me
For when I look into your soul
The depth is deeper then the sea
 
With a single laugh and smile
You brighten every heart
You are a brilliant example
And God’s perfect work of art
Your humility and kindness
Draw people from all around
Your amazing joy-filled laughter
Is one of the world’s most beautiful sounds
 
Your light shines through your eyes
Not broken by your disguise
The purity of your soul
Could fill the darkest hole
Learn to look and see yourself
The way you see everybody else
For in everything you do you shine
A light so brilliant it must be Divine, and
I am so blessed to call you a friend of mine.

A New World

When I look at the world around me,
Negativity and degradation invade everything I see.
Babies dying, mother’s crying,
Leading figures constantly lying.
Children growing up too quick,
Creating a world that is spiritually sick.
“Adrift in a sea of materialism”
The media governs with imperialism
Fanaticism strangling individual thought
Nations fighting wars that have already been fought.
People being abused and used
Hearts left bruised and confused
Families torn apart
Judgment and anger clouds the heart,
I see self-inflicted pain and suffering
Violence and injury with no one recovering,
And the disintegration of society hovering.

However, there is a way to fix what has gone amiss,
And to pull our world from this spiritually empty abyss.
Create a new world where wars don’t exist,
Where friendships are not things we must resist.
Where love can be shown, hatred isn’t known,
Innocence is inherent, and ignorance transparent.
Where differences aren’t fuel for the cruel,
And encouragement is the natural rule.
A world where children can grow and learn,
And achieve the heights for which they yearn.
Where joy is not a sign of weakness,
Patience does not equal meekness.
Where injustice is corrected, no one neglected,
And the Light of the World is fully reflected.
Where God is the source of light,
His mercy and forgiveness the force of life.
Where the light of unity envelops all
And everyone has heard His call.

I’m not afraid for the future of our world
A new one is already being unfurled
For I know people who with their very lives
Embody these qualities and with every breath strive
To revive and create this world anew
And these agents of change are you.

Say Nothing

This article is truly heartbreaking. It's heartbreaking that something like this could happen, and even more heartbreaking that people just stood around and watched it happen without even trying to help.



http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2009/10/27/BAG11AAR56.DTL



They stand and watch
Say nothing
They see her pain
Say nothing
She lives in fear
Say nothing
Her pain severe
Say nothing

Just another girl
Pulled into the whirl pool
Slowly twisting
No control
Can’t escape
Time takes its toll

They see her abused
Say nothing
They stand and enjoy
Say nothing
Her world ripped apart
Say nothing
Where are their hearts?
Say nothing

Just another soul
Losing her control
Slowly changing
Meaning fading
Can’t see light
Darkness invading

She is silent
Say nothing
They are silent
Say nothing
Who will speak?
Say nothing
When our coping technique
…is to….
Say nothing.
Nothing.

I Give It All To You

Mirza Mihdi to you I give my heart
To you I give my soul
Fly it from here, make me whole.
You gave your life so I could be here
And now I give it to you
Oh Pure One, help me to be faithful and true

Mona to you I give my senses
To you I give my sight
Illumine my inner being, fill me with light
You gave your life, but I am here
Help me to be like you
Joyful and steadfast, sincerity shining through

Anis to you I give my essence
To you I give my world
Help me to be steadfast and watch the new unfurled
You gave your life to be with Him
Help me to give mine too
Help me to be steadfast as a rock that no earthly storm can move

Baha’u’llah to you I give my everything
My heart, my soul, my senses, my essences
Erase myself for my transcendence
You gave me my life and faith
And I give them both to You
Teach me to let Your light shine through in everything I do.

Dare to Dream

Take a breath,
Do it for yourself.
Look inside,
Don't look anywhere else.
Dare to dream,
See it in your mind.
Take a step,
And leave everything else behind.

You never know what the future might hold,
If you let go and just let it unfold.
Step into the sun and forget the cold.
Do you dare do dream or become who you're told...
..to be.
Can't you see?

As you walk,
Pave your own path.
Look ahead,
Possibilities stream past.
Dare to dream,
See it in your mind.
Begin to run,
And leave everything else behind.

You never know what the future might hold,
If you let go and just let it unfold.
Step into the sun and forget the cold.
Do you dare do dream or become who you're told...
..to be.
Can't you see?

Dare to dream,
Dare to dream,
Dare to dream,
Dare to dream
Dare to dream.

You Don’t Need Them to Tell You You’re Beautiful

I see you there
Sitting in a darkened room
Wishing that they knew your gloom
And could see through your costume

I see you there
Watching as they walk by
Wishing they would turn and try
To see the soul behind your eyes

You don’t need them to tell you you’re beautiful
Look inside and find the girl
Who is anything but plain
Who cries for other’s pain
Who dances in the rain
Look inside and find the one
Who sees what you are worthy of
Who fills your heart with His love
Who is watching you from up above
He will show you that you’re beautiful.

You feel alone,
Living inside a cyclone
You live your life like a drone
Wait for hours by the phone
Put words for their thoughts unknown
Your beauty is stepped on and stoned.

But if you only knew, the beauty there inside of you
Look inside and find the girl
Who is anything but plain
Who cries for other’s pain
Who dances in the rain
Look inside and find the one
Who sees what you are worthy of
Who fills your heart with His love
Who is watching you from up above
He will show you that you’re beautiful.

Allow yourself to shine
Don’t let their thoughts invade your mind
Don’t fall in and resign
And become a clone, dead and blind

Be true to what’s inside
Show the beauty you try to hide
Let His love be your guide
For if in Him you choose to confide
He will always be there to provide

You don’t need them to tell you you’re beautiful
Look inside and find the girl
Who is anything but plain
Who cries for other’s pain
Who dances in the rain
Look inside and find the one
Who sees what you are worthy of
Who fills your heart with His love
Who is watching you from up above
He will show you that you’re beautiful.

You don’t need them to tell you you’re beautiful
He will show you that you’re beautiful.
Because you are.... Beautiful, absolutely beautiful.

I Live in Fear

I live in fear
Of not being enough
Of not sharing enough
Of sharing too much
Of being my own crutch

I live in fear
Of not seeing the truth
Of missing my youth
Of making a mistake
Of being called a fake

I live in fear
Of you
Of what you do
Of what you say
Of being betrayed

I live in fear
Of your gossip
Of being your topic
Of your teasing
Of not being pleasing

I live in fear.
Of your criticism
Of your pessimism
Of your harassment
Of your judgment

I live in fear
Of not being accepted into your world
Of not being good enough for you
Of losing you if I don’t change who I am
Of losing myself if I do

Their Eyes

When I look in your faces every day,
I can see you’re sad and lonely
Your eyes show pain beyond your years
Filled with lost hope and unshed tears

You live in the shadows of a world that is drowning
Falling apart piece by piece
There is grief in the past and no hope for tomorrow
Only suffering, only sorrow

Chorus:
Every child is a brilliant star
Whose light can illumine your heart
But so many children are stars slowly falling
Their resplendence diminishes, darkness takes over
And the only proof of this loss in the skies
Is the loss of light in their eyes.

The bruises fade but the pain never leaves
So young to lose faith in the world
I see the innocence drain from your eyes
You fake a smile but I see through your disguise.

Chorus

The dawn is coming and the world will be bright
The spark of truth is about to ignite
Have faith and hold on to the beauty within
Don’t let the present darkness win
Oh Giver protect these children
Help them to bear and endure
Guide and protect them in this harsh world
And teach them to shine their light so pure.

Chorus:
Every child is a brilliant star
Whose light can illumine your heart
Protect their innocence and keep them from falling
Guide them to shine, radiance overflowing
Let’s raise them to glow and light up the skies
And to fill the world with the light from their eyes.

A Drop of Water

A drop of water,
Though small and fragile
Holds the secrets of the universe
The whispers of the angels

The hint of a smile
The rustle of cloth
A light in the dark
The wings of a moth

The dew on a tree
The blink of an eye
A flicker of color
A star in the sky

So open your eyes
And let go of your fears
For the vastness of God and the Light of the World,
Can only be seen if you drown yourself in a drop of water.



The Song version

A Drop of Water

A drop of water
Though fragile and small
Holds the secrets of the universe
And the whispers of angels
The dew on a leaf
The rustle of cloth
A light in the darkest night
And the flight of a moth

Chorus:
Open your eyes
Let go your fears
For the ocean of God,
Though so vast is so near
Surrender your mind
Drown in His knowledge and you’ll find
Immersed in the ocean He designed
You are united with all mankind.

A drop of water
Though tiny and frail
Reflects the essence of His beauty
And the mysteries of this world
The hint of a smile
The joy in your eye
The rays of the Sun of Truth
And the stars in the sky

Chorus:
Open your eyes
Let go your fears
For the ocean of God,
Though so vast is so near
Surrender your mind
Drown in His knowledge and you’ll find
Immersed in the ocean He designed
You are united with all mankind.

Bridge:
“Every drop of…water… crieth out”
“Proclaiming unto all” He will bring life to this drought
The river of His knowledge will guide you on your way
Jump into the ocean it’s the dawn of a new day

Chorus (x2)

A Kiss from Above

They came to me one night,
When change had cleared my sight
My heart had opened to love
Then came the kiss from above

Chorus:
A kiss which changed my world
A whole new world unfurled
A kiss to light the dark
A kiss to open my heart

As I lay there filled with strife
Contemplating how my life
Could ever be compared
To the martyrdom they had shared

A calm came over me
Then in my vision I could see
Their faces drifting near
So happy and so clear

Chorus

A kiss on the cheek caused such change
My soul, my meaning were rearranged
My future would be filled with happiness and love
For I knew they were watching me from above

Chorus

Father's Day Poem

Since I've been told there aren't enough funny poems on here, here is one that I wrote for fathers day for my dad at least a few years ago.

To a father who’s crazy in all the best ways
Whose jokes put most people into a daze
Who owns more movies then I could watch in a year
And whose angry face fills me with everything but fear

On this festive occasion of celebrating fathers
A time you often say “don’t bother”
I salute a dad who makes me laugh
Who is definitely my mother’s “other half”

A dad who loves Pooh, Eeyore and Roo
And Star Trek, Star Wars and Space Balls too,
Who will always read the books I share
And whose head is missing some of its hair

Whether a mad scientist or Bozo you take all our jokes
And no matter what we tell you, we do love our folks.
So in lieu of a card or a sword way overdue
I composed a poem especially for you!

Rain

As the rain falls outside, I sit and ponder. The sound of each raindrop feels like a massage on my soul. Slowly releasing the tension in my heart. Slowly helping me find the peace that exists inside myself. I feel all tension, fear and apprehension slide away leaving calm in its wake. A calm that takes over my whole body and allows me to truly relax. Something I haven't done in a long time. I get up and walk outside. As I stand in the rain, each raindrop reminds me of the beauty that is nature and that is God. I feel all this tension, fear and apprehension that I have just released, wash away with the rain. Leaving me clean and refreshed both inside and out.

Transition

I’m lost in the dark of transition.
No stars to guide my way.
Knowing the light is just a few hours away.
I see the light of possibility dawning for me, if I can hold out just a few short months.
But there is no light between then and now.
No stars, no sun, no moon, nothing.
I know the sun is about to rise.
But that knowledge doesn’t help me live in the dark right now any more then the promise of wealth someday helps a poor man to feed his family in the present.
It’s nice to know, but I’m still lost in the dark, counting down the days until I will see light again.
As the days pass by, time moves slower and slower
Like a curve graph getting closer and closer to zero but never hitting it.
Will I ever hit zero, or will I continue to halve the distance but never actually reach it.
Will I be lost in the dark forever?
Even with a definitive date, the question of getting there is a big one.
How long will I wait?
Will the months feel like years?
Will the years feel like decades?
Will the decades feel like centuries?
Could three months literally take forever?

Death

My beauty is gone
My love alone
My feelings repressed
My hurt not shown

The joy has dispersed
The silence begins
The sadness ignored
The numbness wins

Everything lost
Nothing gained
Nothing heard
Everything drained

Alone in this world
Alone on this earth
No future in sight
No sense of worth

The death of a dream
The death of a place
The death of a future
The death of a face

Sand

Sand.
It layers everything.
My heart, my mind, my life.
They are all covered and entrenched in sand.
Sand governs my life.
Sometimes it falls so quickly, that I can’t see anything around me.
My eyes stop working, I become blind to everything but the falling of sand.
I lose sight of the world around me, lose sight of myself.
It falls, and falls until my body is stuck in a cocoon of sand.
A cocoon which suffocates me, forcing all the air out of my body.
Then it slows, leaving me unable to move, or do anything.
It falls so slowly, it makes me want to cry.
So slowly that I can see everything around me in more detail than I wish.
Every nuance, every dirty, dusty, pale, faded aspect of everything around and inside of me.
Everything is cruelly lain out in front of me.
Cruelly seen, but unable to be touched, to be changed.
It cuts me off from everything and everyone.
Leaving me alone, and silent.
I yearn to break out of this prison.
This jail made of sand.
I yearn for wings to fly away from this place.
To soar to some other place, where sand does not exist.
To someplace where life is fulfilling.
Where love can be felt.
Where survival isn’t a struggle.
Yet for the moment, I’m trapped.
Ensnared in this prison.
Enveloped in blindness.
Lost in the sand.



For people who know me and think this is about Tucson, its not. Its about time.

Draining Desert

My love drains away,
Dampened by the dirt
Cactus prick my heart
And bleed away the hurt

Life becomes a lie
My soul hidden from me
Lost somewhere
My eyes no longer see

I can’t feel the beat
The love or the hate
A wall around my heart
Which I did not create

Layers of dirt
Hide what has been done
The red turns to naught
Faded by the sun

Brain becoming hazy
Disconnected from the rest
Life no longer real
Everything repressed

My being turns to sand
Falling every day
Waiting for God
To make colors from this gray.

Waiting For Wonder

Each time I think of it, my heart aches and tears stream down my face. Not so much in sadness, as in longing. I yearn to walk out of my house and be struck with awe at the beauty. To breathe in deeply and have my lungs filled with ecstasy, with calm, with peace. The peace that only nature can bring. The peace that only true deep love can create. Perhaps this is only a dream. Perhaps it is a reality that I must forge for myself. A glimpse of what my future could hold if I would let it.

In my mind I see a girl sitting by a warm fire, in a beautiful brick fireplace. Watching the snow fall outside. Each flake lightly gliding down past the windowsill. Muffling the sounds and stress of the world. Leaving in it’s wake, a calm sense of tranquility. Everything grows still and quiet. All that is heard is the slight pitter-patter of the snow layering the roof. Time ceases to exist. She sits there for hours, not realizing that a single second has passed. Slowly the snowfall grows thinner and thinner, until it stops. She gets up and walks outside, not knowing what to expect, not even realizing she has gotten up. Just letting her body go where it yearns to be.

Standing in the doorway she can see the thick snow layering the ground. She can see the mountains in all their glory reaching up to the sky. Seemingly so close and yet in reality so far away. Creating an awe-inspiring contrast of white on blue. A sky so blue it is as if she is looking into God’s eyes. Connecting on a deeper level than she has ever connected before. Deeper than heart to heart. Even deeper than soul to soul. It is essence to essence. As if she never truly existed until that moment. Each breath she takes is her first breath. Every sense is awakened. She has no thought but to stand there. No feeling but the wind in her hair, the cold, clear air in her lungs, the joy in her heart. No understanding or classification of what she is seeing. Her brain has shut down completely, leaving her body to do the listening and comprehension. She finally understands what it truly is to “live in the moment.” No thoughts in her mind. No words to describe what she is feeling. Simply the moment and nothing else.

In my mind, this girl slowly becomes me. She walks inside and sits back down by the window. She sits and she waits. She waits for the cactus to become pine trees, for the dirt to become snow, for the heat to become cold. She waits for the air to become crisp. She waits for her heart to be truly happy again. She waits. Patiently she waits for the day when she will be able to sit and watch the snow fall again. She waits patiently for the day when she will be able to stand outside in the cold air with the sun on her face, completely in the moment with no thoughts for the future or the past. She is tucked away inside of me, but she will always be there. Waiting. Patiently waiting.

Where I Am From

I was born in a land of perseverance,
In Israel where my parents were serving
In this place so surrounded by God
Was created a love unswerving

I come from mountains and grass and trees
Where the air is fresh and the water clear
The glaciers and rivers live inside me
From Alaska which I hold so dear

I was born from the mind of my mother,
And conceived in her heart long before,
A piece of her soul has melded to mine,
And will reside with me forever more

While my soul was born from my mother,
My dad shaped my thoughts and my mind,
He taught me to question and think for myself,
And to love the whole of mankind

My brother created my actions
He loved me from the day I was born,
I wasn’t always what he wished me to be
But I learned a lot from his love and his scorn

I come from the friendships I had as a child
And the newer friendships I’ve made
I live from the people who live in my heart
And my love for them will never fade

True Beauty

True beauty comes from within
When you laugh, when you grin
Your eyes show the beauty of your soul
Their light brightens even the darkest hole

Like a candle in the dark
They show what is truly in your heart
So the next time you feel the need to judges someone's size
Don't look at their body, just look in their eyes.

You're Not Alone

Sitting in your room
Looking at the door
Wishing things could change
The pain could be no more
You feel completely lost
There’s a hollow place inside
In the agony of your mind
A hundred times you’ve died

Look inside yourself
See the strength within (Don’t give in)
To the anguish in your heart
And all that is unknown (Remember)
You’re not alone
Many people feel this way
You will make it through
Look inside of you
You’re not alone

You hurt yourself
To know you feel
But you feel so much
You are numb to what’s real
You look to others
But they are lost too
They feed your agony
And seem to desert you

Look inside yourself
See the strength within (Don’t give in)
To the anguish in your heart
And all that is unknown (Remember)
You’re not alone
Many people feel this way
You will make it through
Look inside of you
You’re not alone

You’re not alone
Many people feel this way
You will make it through
Look inside of you
You’re not alone

Good-bye

When you smile, my life feels complete
Your joy fills me from my head to my feet
This past year your light has guided me through
And my heart would be empty if I'd never met you

Chorus:
I don't want to leave
I can't say good-bye
What will I do without you in my life?
Time passes by
This year's almost gone
How can we just say good-bye and move on

You've made me cry, you've made me laugh
And I am so grateful I chose this path
Even now when so soon we will part
These memories will stay with me forever in my heart

Chorus:
I don't want to leave
I can't say good-bye
What will I do without you in my life?
Time passes by
This year's almost gone
Now we must just say good-bye and move on

Good-Bye - I'll miss you
Good-Bye - I love you
Good-Bye - I pray we'll meet again
Good-Bye

What Has Happened to Our Hearts?

I’ve been living in a world of pain and sorrow
With grief in the past and no hope for tomorrow
We’re stuck in a world of open wounds
Unsure how to evade the fast approaching doom

Chorus
This world is falling apart
Were we just doomed from the start?
When families and communities are broken
This wound is forced more and more open
And the question that should be spoken
Is what has happened to our hearts?

We’re surrounded by agony everywhere we look
It’s on everyone’s faces like an open book
Please don’t ignore what’s right in front of you
People are dieing while you block the view

Chorus

Find love for one another
Find hope for the future
Find it inside you to be unified
Don’t look at a problem and hide
Find God in everything on this earth
Don’t leave it to rot and lose it’s worth

Chorus

Find God

Learn to focus, learn to love,
Learn to find guidance from above
Seek the beauty, seek the light,
Seek the one who came as a thief in the night
Find His guidance, find His care,
Find the strength and joy He shares
But also know when life seems unfair,
that His love for you, will always be there.

I Live to be Me

I Live To Be Me (March 2007)

I used to ache and feel alone,
I used to hide, no feelings shone,
I hated myself, but not anymore
My life has changed from my skin to my core

Chorus
I live to be me
I live to be free
I live to be happy endlessly
I live to dance
I live to sing
I’m alive, and now I live to be me

No longer will I change myself for you
No longer will I take a self-conscious view
Not another day, will I shy away
For here is who I am today

Chorus

Too drunk

Too drunk to stand, too drunk to see
Too drunk to realize, life is escaping me
Too drunk to live, too drunk to care
Too drunk to see you standing there.
Why do you watch? What’s so amazing?
Watching my vision become more and more hazy.
You see me stumble, you see me fall.
But do you really care at all?
I’m lost, I’m scared, my soul is cracked
But all you see is a humorous act.

What is Happening to the Children

When I look in your faces every day,
I can see you’re sad and lonely
Your eyes show pain beyond your years
What is happening to the children?

Chorus:
These children grow up to quickly
Walking through the world alone,
No one there to guide them or lend them a hand
Why does no one do anything?

The bruises fade but the pain never leaves
Suffering in silence, your souls seem to bleed
How quickly innocence drains out of your eyes
What is happening to the children?

Chorus

We see the signs but don’t say a word
Your eyes scream for help but nothing is heard
We live in denial, and you’re left alone
What is happening to the children?

Chorus

In the Middle

Tradition dictates where he goes
He has no choice in this
Struggling to live between two different parents
Who love him in different ways

Chorus
Stuck in the middle
With nowhere to go
So young to know this pain
Learning how not to let it show

I see the light on his face
When he sees his father coming
The trust in his eyes, the love on both faces,
Yet mostly he’s stuck with his mother

Chorus
Stuck in the middle
With nowhere to go
So young to know this pain
Learning how not to let it show

Neither parent is bad
They both love him a lot
But his mother always looks at him with a purpose
While his father only ever with love

Chorus
Stuck in the middle
With nowhere to go
So young to know this pain
Learning how not to let it show

Death

Until its close it’s too far away
It’s unbelievable and unlikely, unknown and unthought-of
Like a rash on your skin, never seen what’s happening within
Only noticeable after the fact
Like a magicians disappearing act
A phone call, an email, a knock on the door
Your whole foundation, thrown to the floor
Life gains boundaries, beginning and end
Continuing quickly following this trend
Then you realize the thing you’ve found
That your life is just another sand grain on the ground.

Questioning Myself

Constant guilt
Constant fear
Am I doing what I should be here?
Constant judgment
Constant pain
Surrounded by a cloud of shame.
Keep my focus
Keep my calm
Yet my fears cannot be qualmed
What can I do?
What can I change?
In order to feel I’m living up to my name?
I’m here to do service
I’m here to teach
But I fear my goals are out of reach.

Faith or Fantasy

My heart yearns to find him
It beats in time with his
I ache to feel completely loved
Yet am afraid it will never come
I fear for myself what will happen
If I never find his love
Will I live in hope the rest of my life
Or die of disappointment and loss.
Where is my beloved?
Does he even exist?
Or am I yearning for the unattainable?

Unworthy of Love

I feel it again, that sinking feeling in my heart
Which makes me feel like the only place I am worthy of being
is on the ground, under someone’s shoe.
That feeling, not that no one loves me,
but rather that no one should love me,
that I am such an idiot, everyone should be laughing at me and talking behind my back,
and in my mind all I can picture is this happening.
It doesn’t matter whether people are talking about me or not.
Because my mind becomes my reality and reality ceases to exist.

Insecurity

Insecurity is the bane of my existence
I think it’s gone, but it’s only hiding,
Waiting for the best time to show its face again
My mind has trust in everyone except me,
It is easily persuaded by opinions it puts in everyone else’s minds
Which range anywhere from annoyance to idiot to incompetent
Then my mind takes these “opinions” and makes them its own
So by the end of the day I look like the biggest idiot in the world… to myself.
It is a never ending whirlpool leading me straight into the ground
I am broken by all of the unsaid statements that may or may not even exist in other peoples’ minds.
If only I could learn to switch off my mind, I think then I could truly learn to love myself, and with that, be happy.

Happiness is an Inside Job

You are your strongest means of achieving happiness
You chose to be happy, whether you believe it or not.
You make the choice to let others run your life
You believe you need others to help you live
But in reality you are crippling yourself
You are forcing yourself to believe that you can't fix your own problems
And in so doing, you are ensuring that you will never truly be happy
For you and only you have the power to control your emotions.
You feel happy, you feel lonely, you feel empty, you feel loved, you feel sadness, you feel hurt, you feel ignored, you feel inferior, you feel self-conscious, you feel like an outsider..
All of this is you! You decide how you feel.
Your mind is the life force for all your insecurities
Listen to your heart, and learn to love yourself, only then can you ever truly be happy.

Watching Myself Fall Apart

I’ve worked so hard
Not to become obsessed
I focus on my life
So I won’t fall like the rest

Yet something about you
Makes me tremble in fear
I can’t seem to avoid
Wishing you were here

I see you on stage
My heart skips a beat
I yearn to be singing
But am stuck in my seat

You don’t know my name
Or the way that I feel
If I have to be honest
You probably never will

I’m just one of the crowd
Adoring you from afar
Yet in watching I’m pulled
To become what you are

I write my own lyrics
And want to sing them
But I don’t write music
And I know that’s a problem

Seeing you perform
Makes me dream again
While actually listening
Crushes them

Your talent amazes
Your voice so superior
I can’t crush this feeling
That I’m just too inferior

You are so talented
And close to my heart
Which is why right now
I’m watching myself fall apart

Fear

Heart pounding. Body shaking.
Fear of admitting fear.
Life changing. Heart aching.
Afraid of the future.
No contact. No assistance.
Brain shutting down.
Don’t tell. Don’t admit.
Living behind a wall.
People talk. Mouths move.
No sound in response.
Afraid to think. Afraid to feel.
Body turns numb.

Poem for my Mom

When I was a baby I held close to your side
As a toddler I was constantly in stride
As a young girl you were the center of my life
As a pre youth you were my savior when there was strife
When I reached 15, we had a brief break
When I was selfish and you weren’t really awake
But then in my later teenage years,
We grew closer and closer through laughter and tears
You became the one person who always knew how to mend
My heart, and you became my best friend.

On this day, so important, and so dear
I want you to understand what it would be like not having you here
You are the one person whose love I could never live without
You created, and are the center of what I am about
Living without you wouldn’t feel like life at all
Because I know you are the one person who will always catch me if I fall
If you were gone my life would be broken
Everything would be left unspoken
My heart would be locked up tight
With no one there, I would lose the fight
That is constantly going on in my head
Saying that everything should be left unsaid
My mind says to hold everything in
But you always look and see what’s within
You make me talk and you know what I’ll say
Mostly just hugging you makes the pain go away

I live and I love and I’m here because of you
I talk because I listened to you
I love because you taught me how to
I laugh because I see the joy it brings you
I believe because you showed me God is true
I followed your example and I grew
Spiritually and physically because of you
The thing is, I know I will never be alone
Your love has always been with me as I’ve grown
And I know that this will never change,
Even when we are thousands of miles away
You’ll still be inside my heart
And in this way, we will never be apart

Fighting With My Best Friend

She is my best friend,
My love for her has no end
On my soul she has placed her seal
And yet she is also my Achilles heel

Her anger stops my heart
Her frustration tears me apart
Every time she lashes out
My entire being reels with doubt

I hate and love her at the same time
I rarely know the depth of my crime
I cry and wait until she forgives
Because without her there is no reason to live

Rarely in my life has she said sorry
Seeing that she was the one at folly
Usually waiting for justification
She won’t listen to my explanation

So instead of arguing I sit in anticipation
And hope she’ll forget the entire situation
Most of the time my lips stay sealed
And none of my crimes are ever appealed

Nobody

I’m nobody
I’m gullible and naïve
I’m a filler friend never a true friend
I’m the other friend, never the best friend
I’m the person to ignore until your friends aren’t around
I’m the person who talks to you when you’re sad
But never the person you call when you’re happy
I’m promised things all the time,
But never given anything, not even a phone call
I’m constantly here for everyone else
But no one is ever here for me
I’m part of the group if I’m there,
But I’m never invited
I’m only part of the group because my existence isn’t realized
I’m always second best, if even that
I’m never a first thought
I’m the one to blame, the one to make fun of, and the one to ignore
I’m the one to forget, the one to ditch, and the one to lie to
I’m not the person to invite to a party
I’m not the person to call up just to talk
I’m not the person to be best friends with
And I’m definitely not the person to fall in love with
I’m the filler friend when you’re lonely
But you’re never my friend when I’m lonely
I’m always lonely because I’m always alone
I’m gullible and naïve
I’m nobody

My Eyes

My eyes show what I cannot
But only to those who look
My tone tells what my words cannot
But only to those who listen
I don’t know how to be straight forward
I don’t know how to tell the truth
I never lie, but I also don’t talk
The things I feel are under a tight lock
If you want to know me, you have to try
You have to prove you truly care
My trust has been broken too many times
For me to just put my heart on the line.

Ripples

She stepped in the water
The ripples spread
She looked at me with a smile
And this is what she said:

Every action we make is a ripple
I smile at you, you smile at him,
He smiles at her, so she doesn’t kill herself tonight
Smile often, laugh a lot, love everyone and always remember
Every action we make is a ripple

She stepped in the water than pulled her foot back
Deciding she wanted to make a different impact
She didn’t want ripples, she wanted waves
So she threw her whole body in with a smile on her face

Every action we make is a ripple
I smile at you, you smile at him,
He smiles at her, so she doesn’t kill herself tonight
Smile often, laugh a lot, love everyone and always remember
Every action we make is a ripple

Waiting

Too many decisions to make
Anymore and my heart will break
Waiting and longing but dreading the reply
Longing to discuss this agony but afraid to cry
What do I do if they say no?
My dreams dashed, where will I go
I can’t stand this ache in my heart
Wondering to where I will depart
Everything is put on hold
But waiting is making my blood turn cold
I’m so scared of the future it’s making me sick
If they say no, where will I pick
At the moment my deepest fear
Is that I won’t be allowed to escape next year
What will happen if I’m forced to stay here?
Freedom escaping when it came so near
I’m so afraid, I can’t even cry
Time is slipping away, and as yet no reply

Alaska

The air so fresh and clean
The wind and sky pristine
Blue on white such a contrast
So beautiful to see; everything in harmony

The past and future drop away
The present is where you wish to stay
Forever surrounded by such beauty
The mind stops talking; the silence calming

Alaska will forever be in my heart
The place from which I was forced to depart
There is no land so beautiful
The glacier breathtaking, the mountains so forsaking

No place makes you see nature’s beauty more
Than this place with calm and peace at its core
All the senses are filled with awe
The sounds of nature fill your ear, in this place they call “The Last Frontier.”

Alive

The hole in my heart is now full
No longer do I feel the fool.
Gone are the days of complete isolation
When my heart had no beat, my touch no sensation.
There was no happiness to quench my thirst
But now in my life, laughter comes first.
The one with the wings has taught me to fly
My heart skipped a beat, but now I’m alive.
I live for the moments of laughter and talk
Telling my heartsong with no fear or lock.
Learning to believe in the one that is here.
Learning to trust and overcome the fear.
But the hardest and most difficult of all
Is trusting that she will catch me if I fall.

Trust

How to trust when my heart has been broken?
How to believe when nothings been spoken?
Once waited for days for the promised call.
Still waiting and wondering can they see me fall?
Don’t ask if you don’t really want to.
I seem always to know that you won’t really pull through.
And yet somewhere inside, buried deep
I yearn that this one time your promise you’ll keep.
I know that “lets do something” is not really a promise.
I know, in this statement, you don’t see where the harm is.
Each time you ask, but aren’t sincere
I get excited and hopeful, then drown in my tears.
My wall is built higher to protect me from you
But it blocks me from seeing all others in view.
Losing sight of the people I call my friends
I try to climb and trust again.
But the higher I climb, the further I’ll have to fall
The next time you promise but never call
And each time this happens the wall gains height
Till someday I’ll fall and disappear forever from sight.

Fleeting Little Life

Pick up trash and eat it.
Wipe your tears and beat it.
You don’t deserve to have a child
You’ve turned her into an exile

Chorus
Feed her, cloth her, love her
Such simple things to do
Teach her, believe her
Stop focusing on you

The world doesn’t see her tears, neither do you
You’re to drunk to see, your child is turning blue
Stop him, save her, before its to late
You gave her life, now you’re letting it slip away

Chorus
Feed her, cloth her, love her
Such simple things to do
Teach her, believe her
Stop focusing on you

You don’t even notice, her body lying there
You’re drowning in your own sorrow, you don’t even care
You had her for a moment, now its slipped away
Such a sad little life, ended here today.

Chorus:
Feed her, cloth her, love her
Such simple things to do
You lost her, you killed her
Now she’s free from you.

Your Touch

Your touch is more painful than you know
I’m raped and beaten without a fight
When I talk, you don’t listen except to veer my words
And I’m always wrong, even when I’m right

You treat me like I’m two
And brain-washed me believes you
You say I’m a bad girl
And my vision begins to whirl
I feel like a child forced to admit
My guilt in a crime I didn’t commit

I used to be confident, happy and alive
You made me believe I was always wrong
Now I’m praying for the strength to survive
And I don’t feel there is anywhere I belong.

You don’t treat me like a human being
More like an animal incapable of fleeing
You pat me on the head
Like a dog who did what you said
And I can’t speak up or even plea
For fear of what you’ll do to me.

You’ve ruined any confidence I ever had
Now I question everything
My life has gone from happy to sad
My voice can no longer sing

Your touch burns holes through my skin
It eats away everything within
It is filled with superiority and expectations
Allowing no room for alterations
I become the person you want me to be
But I hate you for destroying me.

The Butterfly

The Butterfly is a symbol of strength
Of overcoming obstacles and growing into oneself
It is the only creature known to completely change form
But not overnight first it must survive the storm

Overcoming its cocoon is the Butterfly’s greatest strife,
It must fight its way to independence and in so doing save its life
For in this struggle it gains its strength and is then able to fly
But were it not given the chance to fight its own fight, it would die.

This creature after whom you’ve been named
Is so much like you in so many ways
Pillar of strength and weaver of power
The light you shine is a beacon tower

You inspire others to be true to themselves,
By recognizing those qualities they each expel
Yet your own brilliant colors, you can’t seem to see
You’re stuck in the past looking at the person you used to be

You wear a camouflage on your back
To cover up the pain of the one you lack
To the world you’re not a butterfly at all
You don’t fly, so no one can see you fall

Upon your wings you carry a weight
That you must deal with before it’s too late
But you’re not alone, as you seem to think
Try to fly we won’t let you sink

You’ve fought your battle now learn to see
You are no longer what you used to be
Whoever that was, whatever your view
Doesn’t matter to those who are closest to you

They see only the beauty of who you are now
And the inspiration you are to those you allow
To see the person you are today
Changing lives in just the right way

So fight your own battles but don’t be alone
It’s alright to let it be known
That you are a human being too
I’m telling you this, because I’m fighting the same battle as you.

Dreams

Dreams are meant to be followed
So why do so many of us push them away?
Why not believe in what you can achieve?
It’s the only way you’ll win

Chorus
Who are you? Where do you want to be?
Believe in yourself and follow you’re dreams.
Don’t listen to anyone, don’t fight yourself
Follow your inner voice and it will lead you, you’ll see.

The world is one fight after another
You are your biggest test
Learn to listen and believe in yourself
And let God do the rest.

Chorus

Release yourself from your prison
Don’t let anyone put barriers on who you’ll be
Your opportunities are endless
Grab the one that feels right, and fly free.

Chorus

In a Child's Eyes

He said good-bye before she was born
Her mother was left to raise her alone
She met someone new, and her stomach grew
But when she was born, he left too
He wasn’t gone for her sister, who lived between the two
But he was gone for her and that’s all she knew

Chorus
In a child’s eyes you were there and you’re gone
You left and she was forced to move on
Because of you her life will never be the same
You taught her not to trust but only to blame
Herself for a life she could never change
Like water drops falling in the rain

Another man came when she was still very small,
She called him Dad even before she could crawl.
He stayed that man for quite some time
Long enough for his son, her brother, to turn nine
She loved him as her Dad like a daughter should
And when he left she was crying where she stood

Chorus

He told her he wasn’t her father or she his daughter
He said she was no longer family
He broke his promise that they would always be together
And left her at twelve broken forever

Chorus

Oh, like water drops falling in the rain.

My Worst Enemy

I hate the person I’ve become,
I’m mean self-centered, judgmental and numb
Everything I say is misinterpreted
And I feel stupid with me in my head
I wish I could stop myself from speaking
Then in people’s eyes I might find what I’m seeking
Maybe people would look at me
Without disgust for what they see
And then maybe I could finally be
A person I could believe in completely
Where has the girl gone whom everybody loved?
Why can’t I find the strength to reach for what’s above?
He’s in everyone, yet I can’t see
My vision is blurred because I can’t find Him in me.

Lost

Alone. Confused. Hurt. Used.
My heart is tearing itself apart.
I don’t understand what is happening
Where did my patience fly?
What is this hole upon my soul?
And where is the one? Standing by?
The wind heavy sighs in this ugly place
Missing the beauty of high
And my heart feels the pain of these days without rain
Living in this city so dry
I wish and pray, to far the day
When you I will look in the eye
Falling off the side, alone I have cried
My mind is sad but my mouth shut and shy
Behind the wall, do you me at all?
The person that’s living this lie?
Its me can’t you see, but where is he
That will pull me back from the sky?

Please Look at Me

Is there anyone out there who can pull me back together?
Who can take my broken spirit and raise me up to who I was?
Is this who I'm meant to be? Dirty, lonely, suffocating me?
Or is there something I can't see that’s buried deep inside?
I'm dieing here and no one knows, or maybe no one cares
That bit by bit my soul has flown and left in me a hole
I desperately need someone to say, they care for me and need me to stay
Because if no one acknowledges that I exist
I will fall into a forever-empty abyss

Everything Changing

Would you be my best friend, if I offered you my heart?
Would you still love me, even if we were apart?
A new school, a new life, seems pretty hard to challenge,
But what if I want you to be my balance?
To keep me in touch with the world around me,
So I don’t lose myself, and I stay who I want to be?
You say you want me to live my life,
But what if I want you to be part of it with me,
To be there through all the toil and the strife,
That comes from living in this strange city.
A life without you wouldn’t seem like life at all,
But I know you are the one person who will catch me if I fall.

Pay Attention

There was a little girl,
Only 9 years old
She was extremely unhappy
Because of things she had been told
She knew her mom was sad
And the things in her head had her scared
She was afraid her life was gonna change
And the emotions were more than she could bear

Chorus
Children shouldn’t have to deal
With all these emotions alone
Especially when the people around them
Are so consumed by their own.
Open your eyes and truly see
That you shape the people these children will be

This child didn’t understand
The consequences her actions had
She was to young to know that death is forever
And the life she knew wouldn’t continue in this land
So she did the only thing she knew
She’d seen it done in times of gloom
She tied a belt around her neck
And waited for her doom.

Chorus

The end of one life impacts many
A child’s death, the worst of all
It leaves ripples that go on and on
Because it is the most preventable
Her mother was horrified at what had happened
She blamed herself for not being smart
She had never really talked to her daughter
And in the end died of a broken heart

Chorus

The girl’s dad had left years ago
She didn’t have any other kin
And so her choice to leave this world
Had left her little brother an orphan.

Silence

Everyone has their moment
That time in life when they must choose
What they believe in, where they are going
And what they feel they have to lose

This moment in time is hard to recognize
But know that it is a test for you
It will come when you least expect it
And God will be watching to see what you’ll do

He can’t interfere
Because we have the choice
To believe in Him and ask for his help
Or turn our backs and ignore his voice.

This moment in time is a crisis of faith
What will you do when it happens to you?
Will you recognize it for what it is?
Or blame God and take a materialistic view?

Old poems

A lot of my poetry is posted at http://itsinthename.livejournal.com/ but I put up some of these poems here as well....