A Broken Winged Bird

We are often like birds
Who do not recognize their own wings
Stuck wandering the material world

Unaware that within us
Lies the capacity to fly
To soar above the confusion and nearsightedness
Which define life on the ground

We instead sully our wings
With attachment to earthly things
With criticism and hopelessness
Guilt, fear and blame


We busy ourselves in the lives of others
As a way of distracting ourselves
From what we think we lack
From what we believe we are incapable of doing

As a way of distracting ourselves
From the vast, impenetrable distance
Which we perceive between us and His light

But this distance we perceive
Is our greatest vain imagining
Our ego's strongest battalion

For it keeps us blind to the gifts
Which are latent within us
Gifts which have graciously and generously
Been bestowed upon us

Blind to our creativity, to our strengths
To our own inner nobility, our connection to God
Our wings

Our purpose on this earth
Is to break free of the shackles of self
Which hold us down and deceive us
To embrace the possibility 
That we can do things which we do not feel capable of doing

For only when we embrace this truth

The truth that we are inherently noble and celestial
That our hearts were created
To soar in the heaven of remembrance of Him
Guided only by the breezes of His Will

And the Day Star of His love


Will we truly embrace His Light within us
And learn to fly

"Say: Deliver your souls, O people, from the bondage of self, and purify them from all attachment to anything besides Me. Remembrance of Me cleanseth all things from defilement, could ye but perceive it." - Baha'u'llah

Abasement and Nobility

Neither of these poems have a title, but the first one reminds me of the beginning of a prayer by Baha'u'llah which says "O Son of Spirit! Noble have I created thee, yet thou has abased thyself." And the second poem, reminds me of the second half of that prayer "Rise then unto that for which thou was created." 

(Poem 1)

A flower grows, blossoms

Shares its fragrance with the world

And then dies

Its purpose, to touch hearts

To share its beauty and nobility

In its short life

It takes its glory, its purpose

From the radiant sun 

Its life force

But what if that flower, were unable

To see or recognize

Its own light

What if it could see, the love 

The joy on the faces of the people

Who saw it

But it couldn't comprehend, understand

What they were seeing or feeling,

Their love

Its perspective, veiled by its blindness

The gift it was to the world

Unrecognized

Only emptiness, did it feel

Ashamed at what it wasn't

What it couldn't see

How does one, teach a candle

To recognize its flame

Its grandeur

A flower, to smell its perfume

Its glory

Or a blind man, to open his eyes

And see

(Poem 2)

What I see every day

All things that I do

Everything in this world

Gains its existence from You

I can push myself down

I can see myself as small

But Your glory lives inside me

Standing strong, bright and tall

The silent resistance 

Of self criticism and fear

Only serve to hold me back

And keep me from drawing near

No matter how small I feel

Or how little I think I deserve to fly

The capacity and responsibility live within me

And in the depths of my soul there is no I

So please tell me who I am

Let me read Your words as true

For my inner beauty and reality

Are only known through You

A Mermaid Child

A precious child

Born to a king

Loved and cherished

The most blessed gift

To hear her sing

Her soul spoke to you

The angels could be heard

This gem within her

Manifested itself

In the Glory of His Word

But the world ensnared her

Trapped her with its sights

For envy and attachment

She gave up her soul

For worldly and material delights

She gained happiness for a moment

But the veils of ego’s view

Blinded her to the truth

And she forgot the beauty

Of the Light she had been born to

Imprisonment

I found my soul imprisoned today
Away from Your light and Your grace
My ego's good intentions
Wove shackles I hadn't traced

My mind often drifted in prayer
Joy slowly stopped intervening
As the light of compassion dimmed
My service lost much of its meaning

The insideous webs of blame
And judgement's encroaching presence
Forced all meaning from my pain
All growth drained out of its essence

But now that I've found it again
I pray for Your aid and assistance
To build a new prison with walls and guards
Against my ego's insistence

Set free my glorious soul
Let it fly on the wings of Your love
And never again let it fall victim
To the dross which saddened Noah's dove

An Instrument of Beauty

Oh the joy you bring to my life
My beautiful six stringed friend
Connection at my fingertips
My heart and soul transcend

You sat silent most my life
Few fingers to express
The capacity within you
The beauty you possess

But now you are my voice
My solace and my guide
Your companionship a treasure
I pray I never set aside

Caressing your gentle strings
My heart is happy and whole
You weave my inner melody
Strumming the music of my soul

Exhaustion

Exhaustion weighs down my body
Silences my brain
Veils my soul's yearnings
Everything mundane

My hands begin to shake
Response, beyond my reach
Lost in confusion's loops
Your help do I beseech

Praying fervently
I yearn for confirmation
A light to lead me forward
Towards the winds of maturation

I lay my life within Your grasp
And pray for a change in attitude
New perspective and direction
Then I bow my head in gratitude

The Mystery of Time

Time slips by
Sand quietly falling
Breaths and memories
Lost to nature's calling

A day feels like a year
Yet a year feels like a day
Endless moment's of anguish
To time's wealth, fall pray

Lost in a single moment
Battered by a storm
In retrospect a gift
When finally you transform

The soother of most ills
A path to detachment and calm
In harmony with remembrance of God
Time is the greatest healing balm

A Prayer for Trust and Release

Tonight I fail at optimism
I sleep with dreams confused
Chaos reigns within my mind
My heart is much abused

I am my own greatest test
My thoughts are black with blame
No compassion do I feel
For this girl who holds my name

Discomfort and pressure
Have been my life for far too long
Overwhelmed I've wandered lost
Deaf to my own song

I know this weight I seem to carry
Is of my own creation
But please help me lay it in Your hands
And end this eternal stagnation

The City of Certitude

Our soul's deepest longing
As days flow quickly past
Is to achieve our heart's desire
For this existence will not last

With sincerity we search
Our devotion never ending
For a meaning to this life
Never truly comprehending

That its meaning is with God
In a City we must find
Closer than our life vein
Though our ego keeps us blind

We must cleanse the channels of our souls
Offering our lives in servitude
Sincere and focused on naught but God
Until we find the gate to the City of Certitude

The Webs of My Mind

Emotion sits high in my throat
Caught between speech and suppression
Tension builds within my being
Begging for expression

I yearn to be free of it all
To let go the confusion and fear
Detached from all save You
Existence resplendent and clear

But the webs keep pulling me back
Entrapping me with their deception
Making me question my soul's foundation
Doubting and veiling my own reflection

My light is stifled a little each day
As I wander in the maze of my mind
Praying You'll guide and protect me
And lead me to whatever You wish me to find

A Choice of Love

Life is a path we walk
With each step we choose the direction
Does the ego lead us forward
Or is our goal our soul's perfection?

Do we expect excellence in this moment
And give up when it's not achieved?
Or do we look for the capacity within us
And pursue excellence in all we've received?

We are capable of so much more
When we put our fears and faults aside
Trusting in the light of God within us
A nobility our egos wish to hide

These gems we possess are not only a treasure
But a responsibility we hold
To develop and cultivate these gifts of His love
And shine them bright for all to behold

Burst Thy Cage Asunder

A bud, brimming with potential

Has no purpose in life but to bloom

Were it to hide forever, safe within itself

Existence would morn its unsmelled perfume

Though to bloom is to give in to fragility 

Accepting broken petals and the sacrifice of self

Each flower that blooms is a gift from His hand

A sign of His love, its inherent wealth

A seed, the foundation of existence

Holds within its core a cherished treasure

But to share its legacy with the world

It must sacrifice what no tongue can measure

Though to grow is to break apart its earthly home

To accept the interdependency of all living things

Its sacrifice links its heart to the Light

And provides it with earthly and heavenly wings

Do we steal from the world our soul's precious gift

Shielding ourselves from anguish and pain

Neither giving nor receiving love or support

Afraid that to change means to drown in the rain?

Like a brimming bud and a shining seed

Each day this choice is ours to make

Do we hide in the dark, safe and alone

Or accept that to grow means at times we will break

  

When My World Stopped

There was a time in my life

When silence was my existence

When all that I knew 

Was joy's cutting resistance

I clothed myself in anguish

Fed myself with blame

Drank the dregs of bitter loss

And housed myself in shame

The world ceased to turn

All thought grew harsh and cold

Though time poured out it's measure

No life did I behold

Lost in this darkness

I wandered with no aim

A piano without keys

A candle with no flame

Until one day my eyes reopened

And blinking in the Light

I realized that the utter darkness

Was simply my own lack of sight 

As Light flowed through my eyelashes

The world moved forward once again

And my silent heart began to beat as its

Voice flowed through my newfound pen

With Each Wave

He stands
His feet in the water
Anticipating their arrival
Braced for the unknown
Excited by it

With each wave
He contemplates
He measures

Some he jumps
Avoiding their upheavals
Their consequences

Some overtake him
Knocking him off his feet
Stealing his air
But then he gets back up
Drenched and sputtering
And with joy he awaits the next wave

Most move past him
Around him
Testing his footing
His center
His focus
But not breaking him

Sometimes in the quiet
The peace between the waves
He gazes around him
And he finds treasures
Taking advantage of his circumstances
Knowing that
With the next wave
The ground beneath his feet
His reality
Will forever change

With each wave
He has a choice
To let it take him
Overwhelm him
Steal his air
Leave him sputtering
And in fear of the next one to come

Or

To brace himself
To joyfully detach himself from the outcome
And take whatever comes
With gratitude and wonderment
To treasure the ebb
And the flow
To cherish each breath
To observe and learn
Instead of being focused on that moment
To see each wave as a chance
To better understand the ocean of reality
The essence of existence
To view each wave as a gift
A gift of knowledge and insight

This choice is all of ours
With each test do we choose to live
In the falling
In the failure
Or do we find beauty and meaning
In the standing up
In the learning

The waves of life will never stop coming
Their ebb and flow is the heart beat of existence
But it is our gift, our treasure, our decision
With what attitude we choose to greet them

Suicide: A Silent Path

A friend of mine played me a song last week called "How do you get that lonely?" by Blaine Larsen and then last night I watched an amazing and beautiful movie called "To Save a Life" and I guess this is my soul's response to these two beautiful and moving pieces of creativity.

Suicide: A Silent Path

I've been there.

Standing on that figurative ledge.

Wishing I had the courage to jump.

Knowing I would never do it.

But mesmirized by the thought nonetheless.

Wondering what would happen?

Who would care?

Would it wake anyone up to the hollowness and loneliness

that lived inside me each day?

Was there any other way to scream for help?

A way that would actually have an outcome,

unlike the silent screaming that had become normal to me over the years?

He asks, "How do you get that lonely?"

I say, it's so much easier than you could possibly think
to lose sight of your own value
of your own worth.
To not be able to find it
but also not know how to ask for help. 

When you're taught by the world around you

that your voice isn't important,

that the deep inner essence of who you are

isn't valuable and should be hidden,

when your world tells you these things and you believe them,

that is how you get that lonely.

Your mind tells you people would notice,

people would care,

but your heart asks why?

Why they haven't cared enough in the past,

to have seen anything that has lead up 

to these thoughts

to that one moment?

Suicide isn't an act.

It is a path.

It is years if not lifetimes,

of silently screaming for help with no answer.

Years of begging,

of praying,

of trying,

to reach beyond the pain,

and the loneliness,

and the despair.

Years of praying,

that someone will truly see you,

love you,

accept you as you are,

teach you to accept yourself,

and show you that you are worthy

and valued.

Suicide may be one person's act,

but it is a symptom of a much greater societal disease.

A disease of alienation,

of humiliation,

of accepted ignorance,

of selfishness,

of self focus,

of shame,

a lack of recognition

of the humanity within each of us,

a forgotten compassion,

a forgotten love for one another.

It is a disease of passivity  and of blame.

"There is nothing I could have done"

"It was their choice, not mine."

In the end both might be true.

After the fact,

blame means nothing.

Unless it wakes you up.

Unless it assists you to look outside of yourself.

To see that there are others,

an infinite number of people in the world,

walking a path toward suicide.

Praying and begging to be helped off of it,

to be told and shown and helped to see,

that they truly are valuable,

that they are worth loving,

that their lives have meaning. 

Many of them will be,

like I was,

shown that their value lies within them

that there is a beauty within their soul

that they have a gift to give to the world.

But this takes a person,

a friend,

a family member,

a stranger,

stepping outside of their own struggles,

showing love,

and without judgment,

recognizing the pain in someone else's heart.

So why not let everyone in your life,

know how much you love them,

how much you value and cherish them,

because you never know, 

what path they might be silently walking.

The Passivity Within Me

Learning to let others love me

Means learning to love myself

Learning to let my voice fly free

To see my own inherent wealth

For a light shines deep within my heart

Sometimes strong, and sometimes dim

But I choose how much of it I impart

And how much of it is hidden within

Too long I have lived in bitter night

Hiding the flame of my soul

Afraid to leak even a tendril of light

For fear I will break and no longer be whole

Many times I have blown out my own tiny flame

The darkness suffocating, eternal and violent

In the hands of the hurtful, I lay all the blame

Their actions leaving me broken and silent

Not realizing my pain came from deep inside

Or that I was making their words my reality

Smothering my light, in the dark I would hide

Afraid to grow or to see the totality

I've hidden in this place for most of my life

Unwilling to confront it, unable to see

That the truest source of my anguish and strife

Is the passivity through which I believe in me

A Pen of Glory

A fountain of wisdom
This pen
Unknowable mysteries
Hidden within it
Its ink
Brings creation into being
Its potency
Lies within the mind of its wielder
A gift in my life
Its existence
A portal through which
I feel the warmth of His love

Why Destiny?

Confusion overwhelms reason
Divergent paths equally right
Each foreshadowing a change of season
A shadowed heart given new sight

A light of love guides you forward
But each step you take is your own
Not always aware what you're moving toward
Praying you will be guided and shown

Some paths fade and disappear
Beginnings lost by fate's elation
Others shine resplendent and clear
The soul's joyous confirmation

But when two paths stand side by side
And you're given time to choose
How do you take the correct stride
With no signposts or clues?

And when this choice made with haste and urgency
Causes other events to ensue
Are you leading your own destiny?
Or is it leading you?

A Union of Two Seas

Two hearts brimming with Thy grace
Their souls aflame with Thine embrace
Guided to each other by Thy hand

Meet today at Thy command

Two families linked by their affection
Reveling in this world’s perfection
United in joy and love’s elation
In awe of the brilliance of God’s creation

Two wings of a dove soaring in the skies
A union which breaks all ego’s ties
Glorious reflections of Thy light

Beacon’s of love in the dark of night

Two bright orbs threaded into one
Radiant as a midnight sun
In servitude they promise their life
As they become husband and wife

Two seas join in eternal devotion
The pearls of their love illumine the ocean

Hearts the world over will become ignited

As with a vow of love these two souls are united

He is God!

O peerless Lord! In Thine almighty wisdom Thou hast enjoined marriage upon the peoples, that the generations of men may succeed one another in this contingent world, and that ever, so long as the world shall last, they may busy themselves at the Threshold of Thy oneness with servitude and worship, with salutation, adoration and praise. “I have not created spirits and men, but that they should worship me.”¹ Wherefore, wed Thou in the heaven of Thy mercy these two birds of the nest of Thy love, and make them the means of attracting perpetual grace; that from the union of these two seas of love a wave of tenderness may surge and cast the pearls of pure and goodly issue on the shore of life. “He hath let loose the two seas, that they meet each other: Between them is a barrier which they overpass not. Which then of the bounties of your Lord will ye deny? From each He bringeth up greater and lesser pearls.”²

O Thou kind Lord! Make Thou this marriage to bring forth coral and pearls. Thou art verily the All-Powerful, the Most Great, the Ever-Forgiving.

‘Abdu’l-Bahá

Searching for Light

Some days are filled with Light
Joy radiates through the soul
The birds of love and connection
Soar high in the endless sky
Capacity blossoms and bares fruit
The whispers of trust gently waft
Over the meadows of contentment

But other days are more blurry
The fog of confusion rolls in
Weighing down the air of trust and detachment
The rains of fear and doubt
Darken and veil the soul's eternal optimism
Vision is lost for a time
As the ego's roots grow ever stronger

A day however is only what one makes of it
When the storms of God's tests
Obscure the sight
Trust in Him and let Him lead
With detachment and love
Until once again
Light is found

A Voice Silenced

A silence lives within me
A ghost lost in endless hollowness
Echos long ago quieted
Struggle a decaying word
Each day a single choice
Leading the heart farther into darkness
Each day a choice
But which one?
The crowd of steps taken overwhelms any clues
Cobwebs suffocate comprehension
Broken only by confusion's wails
Reason hides alone and broken
By the cacophony of possible mistakes
A single tear falls slowly
Leaving in its wake emotions unnamed
Indescribable and overwhelming
Screaming for attention and assistance
But who will listen
To a voice silenced
By an unknown, and long ago forgotten, choice?

Learning to See Beyond the Storm

So quickly the skies darken,

Clouds obscure the light

Tiny pockets of blue

The only hope in sight

Thunder roars and lightening flashes

The air feels heavy and dense

Trees break and vision is lost

Every nerve scared and tense

Storms of self echo nature’s cycles

Clouds roll in and obscure all sight

Trapped in ego-fashioned darkness

Stifling all God given light

Lost in the moment’s tests and pain

Inner turmoils consume all thought

Hearts are closed and trapped within

Battles repeatedly and continuously fought

These storms hold captive our conscious minds

And our instincts lead us astray

We alienate ourselves from those around us

And hold God’s love at bay

But what if our instincts were to forget ourselves

When we’re confused or wreathing with pain

Instead of being lost in the dark of the storm

To reach out and protect each other from rain

Forgetful of self, trusting in Him

Supporting one another as we learn to fly

Ceaselessly delighting in their progress and service

Together exploring the heights of the sky

He alone can change the gnat into an eagle

The drop into a boundless sea

My deepest wish and greatest desire

Is that this transformation take place within me

A Question of Sight

Your eyes transfix my soul
They look where none have ever seen
Your gaze never wavers one iota
What of my inner essence do You glean?

What do You see in my fear and selfishness?
How do You view my intentions?
How strong is the light of Your love in my heart?
How in line with Your teachings are my reflections?

How can I truly bring myself to account,
When my "self" is directing the quest?
How can I know if I'm actually learning,
Or if my growth is being repressed?

What does it mean to be a willing channel,
A messenger of Your love,
A bearer of spiritual gifts,
Spreading unity from above?

How can I possibly know how,
To bring concord to the earth,
A pale, pathetic, unworthy creature,
Who does not even recognize her own worth?

I look inside me but see only failings
A naive, self absorbed, vulnerable youth
But Your eyes seem to delve deep into my soul
And instead, see capacity, value and truth

So I beg You to aide me to see through Your eyes
And dwell only on Your reflected light
The darkness inside me just space to be filled
With the beauty illumined by Your blessed sight

A Legacy of Sacrifice

I walk in the footsteps of those come before me
And yet I pave my own path along the way
Following their example, I learn from their triumphs
Letting their dedication illumine each day
Their legacy stamped on each page of my story
Their service measured by each wave on the bay
A fleeting moment was their time on this mountain
Yet engraved in every pebble will their sacrifices stay

Gratitude

No tongue, can voice my gratitude

No pen write my heart

No voice sing the praises

No thought out words impart

The joy and thanksgiving

That live deep within me

The gratitude and awe

At the gifts You give so freely

For the love that surrounds me

For the joy within my soul

For the beauty of this blessed place

For the tests and trials which help me grow

With every ounce of my inner being

I am grateful for this gift of life

Thank You for never leaving us alone

For walking with us through joy and strife

(Written 25-Nov-2010)

Friendships' Storms

I stood, silent

Haunted and alone

The wind whipped around me

My face, blank as stone

The greenery died

Fell slowly to the ground

All life meandered out of reach

My pulse, an empty sound

She stayed with me

Held my hand as it started

Kept me breathing through the flood

My voice, long since departed

As the water froze

She hummed in consolation

Watched me slip and fall and bleed

Her hand, my strong foundation

When the storm struck

And drove me to my knees

Broke my will and left me lost

Her warmth, held back the freeze

But the thunder's striike

Demolished every wall

The ice broke and split apart

My spirit, shattered and small

And my only bridge

My last connection to reality

Untangled her fingers and pushed me in

Then turned, away from my mortality

Her last glimpse

Flooded this broken levee

Pulled and battered by the current

My heart, broken and heavy

I floated alone

A month or a lifetime adrift and silent

Despair and solitude my only friends

My abandonment, insidious and violent

I can’t seem to let go

Though I’ve long since found the shore

Of the hope that someday she’ll slip her hand in mine

Her friendship, mine once more

No matter how I try

Pain still echoes behind closed doors

But if you ever again cared enough to ask

My forgiveness, would be yours

A Hidden Truth

A mist, a fog, a cloud
Blocks the vision
Obscures the Sun
Everything unclear
In order to see truth
You must investigate for yourself

He arose from the clouds
The clouds of materialism
Of hatred and prejudice
Of fear and fanaticism
He parted them
And brought back the Light of the Sun

Yet so many choose
To live in the shadows
To hide away from the Light
To worship the dirt and the rocks
They wait for the impossible
Not recognizing the Hidden Truth

A True Friend

A friend is an answer,
A question, a song
A graceful dancer
A place you belong
A partner in stride
A synchronized beat
An ear to confide
A haven from defeat

Whether for a few days,
A period, or a life
A friend is one of God's rays
A victory in strife
A joy in your heart forever
A memory soaring above
A gift impossible to measure
A connection of hearts through His love

Temporal Reality

A sequence of dates, climb their way up a door frame

While the waves quietly ebb and flow

The breezes of fate, fan the bright Rays of His Flame

Telling a story all should know

The moon changes shape, and the stars blaze and dance

As the sand slowly falls

The mountains escape, leaving boundless expanse

Echoing memory’s calls

Graveyards of achievements, and lifetimes of goals

Seasons lost with every breath

The earth’s bereavement, and the despair of souls

Bring life to the brink of death

Sisters become mothers, and children learn to speak

As brief moments in life slip silently past

Night and day succeed each other, in a constant hide and seek

Would you be content if today was your last?

Trust in God

Trust in God
Simple in its complexity

The all-encompassing answer
Yet every heart's burning question

The pulse of life
Directing existence

Every soul's consolation
The most challenging manifestation

A wayfarer's motive
A planner's trial
A despairer's solace
A worrier's mile
A lover's freedom
A dreamer's mountain
A yearner's window
A searcher's fountain

This detachment
The ego's greatest enemy

An ocean of absolute freedom
For those who behold its glory

The food of the spirit
Nourishing all creation

A light in the dark of night
Giving clear direction to those who unveil their sight

The Báb’s Blessed Companion

Alone he ran across the field

Toward a magnificent countenance illuminating the skies

His focused attention would not yield

No force could block him from this prize

His ardor true and unconcealed

Though young, his heart was pure and wise

He walked right through the guarded shield

The mirrored Light before his eyes

He took this Light and his soul awoke

Though its protection would lead him to despair

For the love that Blessed name evoked

Imprisonment was his unwarranted fare

In his anguish he dreamt his Beloved spoke

A promise made in answer to a prayer

It calmed his soul in a single stroke

For the cup of martyrdom They would share

Three years he spent in expectation

Awaiting the return of the One he Adored

Till in a crowded street, silent with trepidation

He humbled himself at the feet of his Lord

Begging to be imprisoned with the Spark of Creation

He was led with two others through the massive hoard

Filled with wonder, excitement and exaltation

Finally reflecting the Light he had stored

That night along with the others arrested

He was asked a question he could not understand

The Báb begged them to carry out what He requested

That His life would be ended by a faithful friend’s hand

In terror and shock, he cried and protested 

How could such weight, he ever withstand?

But with detachment and trust he arose uncontested

And said he would follow any command

With this glorious act of love and devotion

He surrendered control to his heart’s Desire

The events that this sacrifice set in motion

Would connect him forever to the One we admire

The Báb praised his obedience with zeal and emotion

And chose him to share martyrdom’s attire

He opened before him the door of God’s Ocean

And kindled him in the blaze of God’s Fire

At noon the next day a miracle was seen

As seven hundred and fifty bullets missed their mark

The Báb disappeared, found calm and serene

Sharing with His secretary His final remark

The chief attendant and regiments left the scene

Unwilling to kill this melodious Lark

And the replacement soldiers just following routine

Would be remembered as those who stole Light from the dark

Anis’ last wish before he left this worldly space

Was to be hung so his head would shield the chest

Of the One with whose dust and eternal embrace

His mortal remains would forever rest

Love and joy emblazoned his face

As his soul flew high, released from its tests

Now his spirit resides under the dome of God’s Grace

Forever the Báb’s companion and guest