Saturday, June 14, 2008

Sand


Sand.
It layers everything.
My heart, my mind, my life.
They are all covered and entrenched in sand.
Sand governs my life.
Sometimes it falls so quickly, that I can’t see anything around me.
My eyes stop working, I become blind to everything but the falling of sand.
I lose sight of the world around me, lose sight of myself.
It falls, and falls until my body is stuck in a cocoon of sand.
A cocoon which suffocates me, forcing all the air out of my body.
Then it slows, leaving me unable to move, or do anything.
It falls so slowly, it makes me want to cry.
So slowly that I can see everything around me in more detail than I wish.
Every nuance, every dirty, dusty, pale, faded aspect of everything around and inside of me.
Everything is cruelly lain out in front of me.
Cruelly seen, but unable to be touched, to be changed.
It cuts me off from everything and everyone.
Leaving me alone, and silent.
I yearn to break out of this prison.
This jail made of sand.
I yearn for wings to fly away from this place.
To soar to some other place, where sand does not exist.
To someplace where life is fulfilling.
Where love can be felt.
Where survival isn’t a struggle.
Yet for the moment, I’m trapped.
Ensnared in this prison.
Enveloped in blindness.
Lost in the sand.



For people who know me and think this is about Tucson, its not. Its about time.

Draining Desert

My love drains away,
Dampened by the dirt
Cactus prick my heart
And bleed away the hurt

Life becomes a lie
My soul hidden from me
Lost somewhere
My eyes no longer see

I can’t feel the beat
The love or the hate
A wall around my heart
Which I did not create

Layers of dirt
Hide what has been done
The red turns to naught
Faded by the sun

Brain becoming hazy
Disconnected from the rest
Life no longer real
Everything repressed

My being turns to sand
Falling every day
Waiting for God
To make colors from this gray.

Waiting For Wonder


Each time I think of it, my heart aches and tears stream down my face. Not so much in sadness, as in longing. I yearn to walk out of my house and be struck with awe at the beauty. To breathe in deeply and have my lungs filled with ecstasy, with calm, with peace. The peace that only nature can bring. The peace that only true deep love can create. Perhaps this is only a dream. Perhaps it is a reality that I must forge for myself. A glimpse of what my future could hold if I would let it.

In my mind I see a girl sitting by a warm fire, in a beautiful brick fireplace. Watching the snow fall outside. Each flake lightly gliding down past the windowsill. Muffling the sounds and stress of the world. Leaving in it’s wake, a calm sense of tranquility. Everything grows still and quiet. All that is heard is the slight pitter-patter of the snow layering the roof. Time ceases to exist. She sits there for hours, not realizing that a single second has passed. Slowly the snowfall grows thinner and thinner, until it stops. She gets up and walks outside, not knowing what to expect, not even realizing she has gotten up. Just letting her body go where it yearns to be.

Standing in the doorway she can see the thick snow layering the ground. She can see the mountains in all their glory reaching up to the sky. Seemingly so close and yet in reality so far away. Creating an awe-inspiring contrast of white on blue. A sky so blue it is as if she is looking into God’s eyes. Connecting on a deeper level than she has ever connected before. Deeper than heart to heart. Even deeper than soul to soul. It is essence to essence. As if she never truly existed until that moment. Each breath she takes is her first breath. Every sense is awakened. She has no thought but to stand there. No feeling but the wind in her hair, the cold, clear air in her lungs, the joy in her heart. No understanding or classification of what she is seeing. Her brain has shut down completely, leaving her body to do the listening and comprehension. She finally understands what it truly is to “live in the moment.” No thoughts in her mind. No words to describe what she is feeling. Simply the moment and nothing else.

In my mind, this girl slowly becomes me. She walks inside and sits back down by the window. She sits and she waits. She waits for the cactus to become pine trees, for the dirt to become snow, for the heat to become cold. She waits for the air to become crisp. She waits for her heart to be truly happy again. She waits. Patiently she waits for the day when she will be able to sit and watch the snow fall again. She waits patiently for the day when she will be able to stand outside in the cold air with the sun on her face, completely in the moment with no thoughts for the future or the past. She is tucked away inside of me, but she will always be there. Waiting. Patiently waiting.

Where I Am From

I was born in a land of perseverance,
In Israel where my parents were serving
In this place so surrounded by God
Was created a love unswerving

I come from mountains and grass and trees
Where the air is fresh and the water clear
The glaciers and rivers live inside me
From Alaska which I hold so dear

I was born from the mind of my mother,
And conceived in her heart long before,
A piece of her soul has melded to mine,
And will reside with me forever more

While my soul was born from my mother,
My dad shaped my thoughts and my mind,
He taught me to question and think for myself,
And to love the whole of mankind

My brother created my actions
He loved me from the day I was born,
I wasn’t always what he wished me to be
But I learned a lot from his love and his scorn

I come from the friendships I had as a child
And the newer friendships I’ve made
I live from the people who live in my heart
And my love for them will never fade

True Beauty

True beauty comes from within
When you laugh, when you grin
Your eyes show the beauty of your soul
Their light brightens even the darkest hole

Like a candle in the dark
They show what is truly in your heart
So the next time you feel the need to judges someone's size
Don't look at their body, just look in their eyes.

You're Not Alone

Sitting in your room
Looking at the door
Wishing things could change
The pain could be no more
You feel completely lost
There’s a hollow place inside
In the agony of your mind
A hundred times you’ve died

Look inside yourself
See the strength within (Don’t give in)
To the anguish in your heart
And all that is unknown (Remember)
You’re not alone
Many people feel this way
You will make it through
Look inside of you
You’re not alone

You hurt yourself
To know you feel
But you feel so much
You are numb to what’s real
You look to others
But they are lost too
They feed your agony
And seem to desert you

Look inside yourself
See the strength within (Don’t give in)
To the anguish in your heart
And all that is unknown (Remember)
You’re not alone
Many people feel this way
You will make it through
Look inside of you
You’re not alone

You’re not alone
Many people feel this way
You will make it through
Look inside of you
You’re not alone

Good-bye


When you smile, my life feels complete
Your joy fills me from my head to my feet
This past year your light has guided me through
And my heart would be empty if I'd never met you

Chorus:
I don't want to leave
I can't say good-bye
What will I do without you in my life?
Time passes by
This year's almost gone
How can we just say good-bye and move on

You've made me cry, you've made me laugh
And I am so grateful I chose this path
Even now when so soon we will part
These memories will stay with me forever in my heart

Chorus:
I don't want to leave
I can't say good-bye
What will I do without you in my life?
Time passes by
This year's almost gone
Now we must just say good-bye and move on

Good-Bye - I'll miss you
Good-Bye - I love you
Good-Bye - I pray we'll meet again
Good-Bye

What Has Happened to Our Hearts?

I’ve been living in a world of pain and sorrow
With grief in the past and no hope for tomorrow
We’re stuck in a world of open wounds
Unsure how to evade the fast approaching doom

Chorus
This world is falling apart
Were we just doomed from the start?
When families and communities are broken
This wound is forced more and more open
And the question that should be spoken
Is what has happened to our hearts?

We’re surrounded by agony everywhere we look
It’s on everyone’s faces like an open book
Please don’t ignore what’s right in front of you
People are dieing while you block the view

Chorus

Find love for one another
Find hope for the future
Find it inside you to be unified
Don’t look at a problem and hide
Find God in everything on this earth
Don’t leave it to rot and lose it’s worth

Chorus

Find God

Learn to focus, learn to love,
Learn to find guidance from above
Seek the beauty, seek the light,
Seek the one who came as a thief in the night
Find His guidance, find His care,
Find the strength and joy He shares
But also know when life seems unfair,
that His love for you, will always be there.

I Live to be Me

I Live To Be Me (March 2007)

I used to ache and feel alone,
I used to hide, no feelings shone,
I hated myself, but not anymore
My life has changed from my skin to my core

Chorus
I live to be me
I live to be free
I live to be happy endlessly
I live to dance
I live to sing
I’m alive, and now I live to be me

No longer will I change myself for you
No longer will I take a self-conscious view
Not another day, will I shy away
For here is who I am today

Chorus

Too drunk

Too drunk to stand, too drunk to see
Too drunk to realize, life is escaping me
Too drunk to live, too drunk to care
Too drunk to see you standing there.
Why do you watch? What’s so amazing?
Watching my vision become more and more hazy.
You see me stumble, you see me fall.
But do you really care at all?
I’m lost, I’m scared, my soul is cracked
But all you see is a humorous act.

What is Happening to the Children

When I look in your faces every day,
I can see you’re sad and lonely
Your eyes show pain beyond your years
What is happening to the children?

Chorus:
These children grow up to quickly
Walking through the world alone,
No one there to guide them or lend them a hand
Why does no one do anything?

The bruises fade but the pain never leaves
Suffering in silence, your souls seem to bleed
How quickly innocence drains out of your eyes
What is happening to the children?

Chorus

We see the signs but don’t say a word
Your eyes scream for help but nothing is heard
We live in denial, and you’re left alone
What is happening to the children?

Chorus

In the Middle

Tradition dictates where he goes
He has no choice in this
Struggling to live between two different parents
Who love him in different ways

Chorus
Stuck in the middle
With nowhere to go
So young to know this pain
Learning how not to let it show

I see the light on his face
When he sees his father coming
The trust in his eyes, the love on both faces,
Yet mostly he’s stuck with his mother

Chorus
Stuck in the middle
With nowhere to go
So young to know this pain
Learning how not to let it show

Neither parent is bad
They both love him a lot
But his mother always looks at him with a purpose
While his father only ever with love

Chorus
Stuck in the middle
With nowhere to go
So young to know this pain
Learning how not to let it show

Death

Until its close it’s too far away
It’s unbelievable and unlikely, unknown and unthought-of
Like a rash on your skin, never seen what’s happening within
Only noticeable after the fact
Like a magicians disappearing act
A phone call, an email, a knock on the door
Your whole foundation, thrown to the floor
Life gains boundaries, beginning and end
Continuing quickly following this trend
Then you realize the thing you’ve found
That your life is just another sand grain on the ground.

Questioning Myself

Constant guilt
Constant fear
Am I doing what I should be here?
Constant judgment
Constant pain
Surrounded by a cloud of shame.
Keep my focus
Keep my calm
Yet my fears cannot be qualmed
What can I do?
What can I change?
In order to feel I’m living up to my name?
I’m here to do service
I’m here to teach
But I fear my goals are out of reach.

Faith or Fantasy

My heart yearns to find him
It beats in time with his
I ache to feel completely loved
Yet am afraid it will never come
I fear for myself what will happen
If I never find his love
Will I live in hope the rest of my life
Or die of disappointment and loss.
Where is my beloved?
Does he even exist?
Or am I yearning for the unattainable?

Unworthy of Love

I feel it again, that sinking feeling in my heart
Which makes me feel like the only place I am worthy of being
is on the ground, under someone’s shoe.
That feeling, not that no one loves me,
but rather that no one should love me,
that I am such an idiot, everyone should be laughing at me and talking behind my back,
and in my mind all I can picture is this happening.
It doesn’t matter whether people are talking about me or not.
Because my mind becomes my reality and reality ceases to exist.

Insecurity

Insecurity is the bane of my existence
I think it’s gone, but it’s only hiding,
Waiting for the best time to show its face again
My mind has trust in everyone except me,
It is easily persuaded by opinions it puts in everyone else’s minds
Which range anywhere from annoyance to idiot to incompetent
Then my mind takes these “opinions” and makes them its own
So by the end of the day I look like the biggest idiot in the world… to myself.
It is a never ending whirlpool leading me straight into the ground
I am broken by all of the unsaid statements that may or may not even exist in other peoples’ minds.
If only I could learn to switch off my mind, I think then I could truly learn to love myself, and with that, be happy.

Happiness is an Inside Job

You are your strongest means of achieving happiness
You chose to be happy, whether you believe it or not.
You make the choice to let others run your life
You believe you need others to help you live
But in reality you are crippling yourself
You are forcing yourself to believe that you can't fix your own problems
And in so doing, you are ensuring that you will never truly be happy
For you and only you have the power to control your emotions.
You feel happy, you feel lonely, you feel empty, you feel loved, you feel sadness, you feel hurt, you feel ignored, you feel inferior, you feel self-conscious, you feel like an outsider..
All of this is you! You decide how you feel.
Your mind is the life force for all your insecurities
Listen to your heart, and learn to love yourself, only then can you ever truly be happy.

Watching Myself Fall Apart

I’ve worked so hard
Not to become obsessed
I focus on my life
So I won’t fall like the rest

Yet something about you
Makes me tremble in fear
I can’t seem to avoid
Wishing you were here

I see you on stage
My heart skips a beat
I yearn to be singing
But am stuck in my seat

You don’t know my name
Or the way that I feel
If I have to be honest
You probably never will

I’m just one of the crowd
Adoring you from afar
Yet in watching I’m pulled
To become what you are

I write my own lyrics
And want to sing them
But I don’t write music
And I know that’s a problem

Seeing you perform
Makes me dream again
While actually listening
Crushes them

Your talent amazes
Your voice so superior
I can’t crush this feeling
That I’m just too inferior

You are so talented
And close to my heart
Which is why right now
I’m watching myself fall apart

Fear

Heart pounding. Body shaking.
Fear of admitting fear.
Life changing. Heart aching.
Afraid of the future.
No contact. No assistance.
Brain shutting down.
Don’t tell. Don’t admit.
Living behind a wall.
People talk. Mouths move.
No sound in response.
Afraid to think. Afraid to feel.
Body turns numb.

Poem for my Mom


When I was a baby I held close to your side
As a toddler I was constantly in stride
As a young girl you were the center of my life
As a pre youth you were my savior when there was strife
When I reached 15, we had a brief break
When I was selfish and you weren’t really awake
But then in my later teenage years,
We grew closer and closer through laughter and tears
You became the one person who always knew how to mend
My heart, and you became my best friend.

On this day, so important, and so dear
I want you to understand what it would be like not having you here
You are the one person whose love I could never live without
You created, and are the center of what I am about
Living without you wouldn’t feel like life at all
Because I know you are the one person who will always catch me if I fall
If you were gone my life would be broken
Everything would be left unspoken
My heart would be locked up tight
With no one there, I would lose the fight
That is constantly going on in my head
Saying that everything should be left unsaid
My mind says to hold everything in
But you always look and see what’s within
You make me talk and you know what I’ll say
Mostly just hugging you makes the pain go away

I live and I love and I’m here because of you
I talk because I listened to you
I love because you taught me how to
I laugh because I see the joy it brings you
I believe because you showed me God is true
I followed your example and I grew
Spiritually and physically because of you
The thing is, I know I will never be alone
Your love has always been with me as I’ve grown
And I know that this will never change,
Even when we are thousands of miles away
You’ll still be inside my heart
And in this way, we will never be apart

Fighting With My Best Friend

She is my best friend,
My love for her has no end
On my soul she has placed her seal
And yet she is also my Achilles heel

Her anger stops my heart
Her frustration tears me apart
Every time she lashes out
My entire being reels with doubt

I hate and love her at the same time
I rarely know the depth of my crime
I cry and wait until she forgives
Because without her there is no reason to live

Rarely in my life has she said sorry
Seeing that she was the one at folly
Usually waiting for justification
She won’t listen to my explanation

So instead of arguing I sit in anticipation
And hope she’ll forget the entire situation
Most of the time my lips stay sealed
And none of my crimes are ever appealed

Nobody

I’m nobody
I’m gullible and naïve
I’m a filler friend never a true friend
I’m the other friend, never the best friend
I’m the person to ignore until your friends aren’t around
I’m the person who talks to you when you’re sad
But never the person you call when you’re happy
I’m promised things all the time,
But never given anything, not even a phone call
I’m constantly here for everyone else
But no one is ever here for me
I’m part of the group if I’m there,
But I’m never invited
I’m only part of the group because my existence isn’t realized
I’m always second best, if even that
I’m never a first thought
I’m the one to blame, the one to make fun of, and the one to ignore
I’m the one to forget, the one to ditch, and the one to lie to
I’m not the person to invite to a party
I’m not the person to call up just to talk
I’m not the person to be best friends with
And I’m definitely not the person to fall in love with
I’m the filler friend when you’re lonely
But you’re never my friend when I’m lonely
I’m always lonely because I’m always alone
I’m gullible and naïve
I’m nobody

My Eyes

My eyes show what I cannot
But only to those who look
My tone tells what my words cannot
But only to those who listen
I don’t know how to be straight forward
I don’t know how to tell the truth
I never lie, but I also don’t talk
The things I feel are under a tight lock
If you want to know me, you have to try
You have to prove you truly care
My trust has been broken too many times
For me to just put my heart on the line.

Ripples

She stepped in the water
The ripples spread
She looked at me with a smile
And this is what she said:

Every action we make is a ripple
I smile at you, you smile at him,
He smiles at her, so she doesn’t kill herself tonight
Smile often, laugh a lot, love everyone and always remember
Every action we make is a ripple

She stepped in the water than pulled her foot back
Deciding she wanted to make a different impact
She didn’t want ripples, she wanted waves
So she threw her whole body in with a smile on her face

Every action we make is a ripple
I smile at you, you smile at him,
He smiles at her, so she doesn’t kill herself tonight
Smile often, laugh a lot, love everyone and always remember
Every action we make is a ripple

Waiting

Too many decisions to make
Anymore and my heart will break
Waiting and longing but dreading the reply
Longing to discuss this agony but afraid to cry
What do I do if they say no?
My dreams dashed, where will I go
I can’t stand this ache in my heart
Wondering to where I will depart
Everything is put on hold
But waiting is making my blood turn cold
I’m so scared of the future it’s making me sick
If they say no, where will I pick
At the moment my deepest fear
Is that I won’t be allowed to escape next year
What will happen if I’m forced to stay here?
Freedom escaping when it came so near
I’m so afraid, I can’t even cry
Time is slipping away, and as yet no reply

Alaska

The air so fresh and clean
The wind and sky pristine
Blue on white such a contrast
So beautiful to see; everything in harmony

The past and future drop away
The present is where you wish to stay
Forever surrounded by such beauty
The mind stops talking; the silence calming

Alaska will forever be in my heart
The place from which I was forced to depart
There is no land so beautiful
The glacier breathtaking, the mountains so forsaking

No place makes you see nature’s beauty more
Than this place with calm and peace at its core
All the senses are filled with awe
The sounds of nature fill your ear, in this place they call “The Last Frontier.”

Alive

The hole in my heart is now full
No longer do I feel the fool.
Gone are the days of complete isolation
When my heart had no beat, my touch no sensation.
There was no happiness to quench my thirst
But now in my life, laughter comes first.
The one with the wings has taught me to fly
My heart skipped a beat, but now I’m alive.
I live for the moments of laughter and talk
Telling my heartsong with no fear or lock.
Learning to believe in the one that is here.
Learning to trust and overcome the fear.
But the hardest and most difficult of all
Is trusting that she will catch me if I fall.

Trust

How to trust when my heart has been broken?
How to believe when nothings been spoken?
Once waited for days for the promised call.
Still waiting and wondering can they see me fall?
Don’t ask if you don’t really want to.
I seem always to know that you won’t really pull through.
And yet somewhere inside, buried deep
I yearn that this one time your promise you’ll keep.
I know that “lets do something” is not really a promise.
I know, in this statement, you don’t see where the harm is.
Each time you ask, but aren’t sincere
I get excited and hopeful, then drown in my tears.
My wall is built higher to protect me from you
But it blocks me from seeing all others in view.
Losing sight of the people I call my friends
I try to climb and trust again.
But the higher I climb, the further I’ll have to fall
The next time you promise but never call
And each time this happens the wall gains height
Till someday I’ll fall and disappear forever from sight.

Fleeting Little Life

Pick up trash and eat it.
Wipe your tears and beat it.
You don’t deserve to have a child
You’ve turned her into an exile

Chorus
Feed her, cloth her, love her
Such simple things to do
Teach her, believe her
Stop focusing on you

The world doesn’t see her tears, neither do you
You’re to drunk to see, your child is turning blue
Stop him, save her, before its to late
You gave her life, now you’re letting it slip away

Chorus
Feed her, cloth her, love her
Such simple things to do
Teach her, believe her
Stop focusing on you

You don’t even notice, her body lying there
You’re drowning in your own sorrow, you don’t even care
You had her for a moment, now its slipped away
Such a sad little life, ended here today.

Chorus:
Feed her, cloth her, love her
Such simple things to do
You lost her, you killed her
Now she’s free from you.

Your Touch

Your touch is more painful than you know
I’m raped and beaten without a fight
When I talk, you don’t listen except to veer my words
And I’m always wrong, even when I’m right

You treat me like I’m two
And brain-washed me believes you
You say I’m a bad girl
And my vision begins to whirl
I feel like a child forced to admit
My guilt in a crime I didn’t commit

I used to be confident, happy and alive
You made me believe I was always wrong
Now I’m praying for the strength to survive
And I don’t feel there is anywhere I belong.

You don’t treat me like a human being
More like an animal incapable of fleeing
You pat me on the head
Like a dog who did what you said
And I can’t speak up or even plea
For fear of what you’ll do to me.

You’ve ruined any confidence I ever had
Now I question everything
My life has gone from happy to sad
My voice can no longer sing

Your touch burns holes through my skin
It eats away everything within
It is filled with superiority and expectations
Allowing no room for alterations
I become the person you want me to be
But I hate you for destroying me.

The Butterfly

The Butterfly is a symbol of strength
Of overcoming obstacles and growing into oneself
It is the only creature known to completely change form
But not overnight first it must survive the storm

Overcoming its cocoon is the Butterfly’s greatest strife,
It must fight its way to independence and in so doing save its life
For in this struggle it gains its strength and is then able to fly
But were it not given the chance to fight its own fight, it would die.

This creature after whom you’ve been named
Is so much like you in so many ways
Pillar of strength and weaver of power
The light you shine is a beacon tower

You inspire others to be true to themselves,
By recognizing those qualities they each expel
Yet your own brilliant colors, you can’t seem to see
You’re stuck in the past looking at the person you used to be

You wear a camouflage on your back
To cover up the pain of the one you lack
To the world you’re not a butterfly at all
You don’t fly, so no one can see you fall

Upon your wings you carry a weight
That you must deal with before it’s too late
But you’re not alone, as you seem to think
Try to fly we won’t let you sink

You’ve fought your battle now learn to see
You are no longer what you used to be
Whoever that was, whatever your view
Doesn’t matter to those who are closest to you

They see only the beauty of who you are now
And the inspiration you are to those you allow
To see the person you are today
Changing lives in just the right way

So fight your own battles but don’t be alone
It’s alright to let it be known
That you are a human being too
I’m telling you this, because I’m fighting the same battle as you.

Dreams

Dreams are meant to be followed
So why do so many of us push them away?
Why not believe in what you can achieve?
It’s the only way you’ll win

Chorus
Who are you? Where do you want to be?
Believe in yourself and follow you’re dreams.
Don’t listen to anyone, don’t fight yourself
Follow your inner voice and it will lead you, you’ll see.

The world is one fight after another
You are your biggest test
Learn to listen and believe in yourself
And let God do the rest.

Chorus

Release yourself from your prison
Don’t let anyone put barriers on who you’ll be
Your opportunities are endless
Grab the one that feels right, and fly free.

Chorus

In a Child's Eyes

He said good-bye before she was born
Her mother was left to raise her alone
She met someone new, and her stomach grew
But when she was born, he left too
He wasn’t gone for her sister, who lived between the two
But he was gone for her and that’s all she knew

Chorus
In a child’s eyes you were there and you’re gone
You left and she was forced to move on
Because of you her life will never be the same
You taught her not to trust but only to blame
Herself for a life she could never change
Like water drops falling in the rain

Another man came when she was still very small,
She called him Dad even before she could crawl.
He stayed that man for quite some time
Long enough for his son, her brother, to turn nine
She loved him as her Dad like a daughter should
And when he left she was crying where she stood

Chorus

He told her he wasn’t her father or she his daughter
He said she was no longer family
He broke his promise that they would always be together
And left her at twelve broken forever

Chorus

Oh, like water drops falling in the rain.

My Worst Enemy

I hate the person I’ve become,
I’m mean self-centered, judgmental and numb
Everything I say is misinterpreted
And I feel stupid with me in my head
I wish I could stop myself from speaking
Then in people’s eyes I might find what I’m seeking
Maybe people would look at me
Without disgust for what they see
And then maybe I could finally be
A person I could believe in completely
Where has the girl gone whom everybody loved?
Why can’t I find the strength to reach for what’s above?
He’s in everyone, yet I can’t see
My vision is blurred because I can’t find Him in me.

Lost

Alone. Confused. Hurt. Used.
My heart is tearing itself apart.
I don’t understand what is happening
Where did my patience fly?
What is this hole upon my soul?
And where is the one? Standing by?
The wind heavy sighs in this ugly place
Missing the beauty of high
And my heart feels the pain of these days without rain
Living in this city so dry
I wish and pray, to far the day
When you I will look in the eye
Falling off the side, alone I have cried
My mind is sad but my mouth shut and shy
Behind the wall, do you me at all?
The person that’s living this lie?
Its me can’t you see, but where is he
That will pull me back from the sky?

Please Look at Me

Is there anyone out there who can pull me back together?
Who can take my broken spirit and raise me up to who I was?
Is this who I'm meant to be? Dirty, lonely, suffocating me?
Or is there something I can't see that’s buried deep inside?
I'm dieing here and no one knows, or maybe no one cares
That bit by bit my soul has flown and left in me a hole
I desperately need someone to say, they care for me and need me to stay
Because if no one acknowledges that I exist
I will fall into a forever-empty abyss

Everything Changing

Would you be my best friend, if I offered you my heart?
Would you still love me, even if we were apart?
A new school, a new life, seems pretty hard to challenge,
But what if I want you to be my balance?
To keep me in touch with the world around me,
So I don’t lose myself, and I stay who I want to be?
You say you want me to live my life,
But what if I want you to be part of it with me,
To be there through all the toil and the strife,
That comes from living in this strange city.
A life without you wouldn’t seem like life at all,
But I know you are the one person who will catch me if I fall.

Pay Attention

There was a little girl,
Only 9 years old
She was extremely unhappy
Because of things she had been told
She knew her mom was sad
And the things in her head had her scared
She was afraid her life was gonna change
And the emotions were more than she could bear

Chorus
Children shouldn’t have to deal
With all these emotions alone
Especially when the people around them
Are so consumed by their own.
Open your eyes and truly see
That you shape the people these children will be

This child didn’t understand
The consequences her actions had
She was to young to know that death is forever
And the life she knew wouldn’t continue in this land
So she did the only thing she knew
She’d seen it done in times of gloom
She tied a belt around her neck
And waited for her doom.

Chorus

The end of one life impacts many
A child’s death, the worst of all
It leaves ripples that go on and on
Because it is the most preventable
Her mother was horrified at what had happened
She blamed herself for not being smart
She had never really talked to her daughter
And in the end died of a broken heart

Chorus

The girl’s dad had left years ago
She didn’t have any other kin
And so her choice to leave this world
Had left her little brother an orphan.

Silence

Everyone has their moment
That time in life when they must choose
What they believe in, where they are going
And what they feel they have to lose

This moment in time is hard to recognize
But know that it is a test for you
It will come when you least expect it
And God will be watching to see what you’ll do

He can’t interfere
Because we have the choice
To believe in Him and ask for his help
Or turn our backs and ignore his voice.

This moment in time is a crisis of faith
What will you do when it happens to you?
Will you recognize it for what it is?
Or blame God and take a materialistic view?

Old poems

A lot of my poetry is posted at http://itsinthename.livejournal.com/ but I put up some of these poems here as well....